The Blithe Adventurer

Start of the week and still confused.

2012-01-23T16:12:00.002Z

In case you're wondering, I'm still confused after the last post. My confusion is not helped by the fact that I get random phone calls really early in the morning from the person I'm talking about. I guess they're thinking about me too huh? Or maybe they're in love with me too but circumstances just don't allow it? Here's to hoping - says the ever optimist.

It's the beginning of the week and random things keep happening to me. For instance, I was sat at a bus stop eating a sandwich. Out of no where, this tramp came and asked if he could have a bite. I looked at him directly and said NO. Why the hell did he not ask me for some change which I would have gladly given him? The other random thing was the massive punch up in the library in Clapham. Users fighting over a PC - can you imagine? What the hell is the world coming to?

On another note, I have loads of application forms to complete by the end of the week. So that should keep me busy and out of trouble.

No booze for two weeks now. I think it shows. My posts are becoming more and more boring.

confused.com

2012-01-12T12:19:00.002Z

Is it wrong to fall in love with a friend's boyfriend? The facts are as follows:

1. I met the person before they did
2. We had sex before and during their relationship (my bad - shit happens. Anyway God forgave me)
3.They've since broken up (much to my delight. It was a shit relationship)
4.This person rings me nearly everyday (I really love hearing the person's voice)
5.I think about them all the time (not good because they keep me awake at night)
6. We're still in touch even though the ex thinks we're not (not a bad thing necessarily)
7. Everyone suspects something's gone on between us.

I just don't know what to do. Perhaps I should just let this one go. Going there might open a can of worms.

Oh confusion confusion. Don't you just hate it?

Happy new year!

2012-01-11T19:17:00.002Z

For some strange reason, I feel this year has begun with new inspiration and determination. Feelings I didn't at all have at the beginning of last year. The year gone by was hopeless and filled with despair. Perhaps I feel it is time to make some changes. Changes I feel are much needed in my life e.g. gone are the days when drunken antics were the norm. Nowadays my evenings are calm and filled with lots of hot chocolate. Vauxhall doesn't feature much in my life either. I last went there last August. It's an area in London that's lead to many people's down falls. Therefore it is to be avoided. That said, people as individuals must learn to take responsibility for their own actions. Vauxhall and the many bars it has does not force people to behave the way they when they're there.

So here's to 2012 and all that it brings.

Slow beginning.

2011-09-15T00:17:00.000+01:00

This is a random entry.

I am eating my words and doing something I always said I would not do.

However, that said, this presents a new beginning for me. It's been a slow start. Like all new enterprises business is slow at the beginning. I hope it brings the same success it's brought some really close people.

There are aspects of this business that I find terrifying. All will turn out well - in Jesus name. I have to believe in myself and also believe that my life has purpose. Doing what I'm doing now is bringing back the purpose in my life which was somewhat derailed.

Now I'm beginning to look forward to the future again.

The year so far,....

2011-06-01T21:53:00.002+01:00

It's going really bloody slow. Nothing seems to be taking off so far. It could be that I'm just impatient.

For most people, the year seems to have gone off with a bang. I'm still waiting for that bang.

Busy busy busy bee

2010-11-28T23:22:00.002Z

Goodness me! At one point I was an avid blogger. Thinking about it I know the reason why that was. I was bored at work most of the time so I decided to use the time creatively. Since I left, I've mainly temped. All the other time I'm just to busy having fun or researching what business to start running. I have options. Many options. Too many that perhaps I feel confused. I'll be glad when I make my mind up.

Still breathing just about

2010-07-14T16:55:00.002+01:00

Hello all,

It's been months and months. Despite the hiatus, the drama has never ceased. Some may consider me crazy but I sometimes love it. It's just too entertaining. More to follow. I'm in a more settled position to dedicate some time to more blogging.

Ciao for now.

Could it get any worse?

2009-08-12T21:52:00.001+01:00

I come bearing bad news.

I'm 31 next week and jobless. I was made redundant at the end of Aug. Just wondering if life could get any worse. I'm so freaking bored at home it is unbelievable!

Pissed Off

2009-06-23T16:50:00.003+01:00

I got so enraged writing my last entry I decided I'm kicking him out today. I'm not going to make him my problem. End of.

Wake up, Eat, Watch Porn, Masturbate then sleep.

2009-06-23T16:48:00.000+01:00

By the way, you are on the wrong page if you’re expecting to read about my sexual antics.

I’m actually referring to a person’s daily routine. I live with the person and to be frank I’m beyond astounded. Is this what some people’s lives have been reduced to? Just because a person’s unemployed doesn’t mean they should sleep for 14 hours then only wake up to have a wank (masturbate for those who are not familiar with Brit terminology) and eat. Take yesterday for example, I was woken up by heavy breathing. I not being a heavy sleeper, woke up thinking there was something wrong with my friend. I got up and went to check on him. As I got closer to his room I saw him busy at it – pleasuring himself. I was so pissed off I just slammed his door shut. I’m a man myself and of course I do it too but I don’t wake people up in the middle of the night making noises of self satisfaction. My patience is starting to wane.

It feels like I always fall for sob stories in people. I’ll even go to the extent of falling for the story even when I know for sure the person is lying. From one of my previous posts I said that I’d allowed this guy to come live me so he could sort his life out. He seems to be doing everything but sort his life out. All that bullshit about changing the people he hangs out with hasn’t changed. There’s the drugs – lucky enough he knows stuff like that is not allowed in my flat. As soon as he gets his dole, he disappears off to meet his friends in Vauxhall for the usual – Crystal Meth .

He disappeared for a week two weeks ago; no one knew where he was not even his close friends. Only to discover after he’d came back that he had been on a one week bender. I’m concerned. I’m concerned that my offer to help is going to be thrown back in my face. He better not though – I’ll get violent on him like his last flatmates did.

He said something to me a couple of weeks ago and this raised even more concern. He’d earlier on told me that his mother had died two years ago – lies. He let slip that he hadn’t seen her in two years. How can someone go to the extent of lying about his mother’s death. Makes me wonder what else he’s lying about. The only thing I do believe about him is the fact that he has not seen his family in two year – I’m as baffled probably even more so as to why.

You must be thinking it’s time I threw him out. I’ve decided to give him two weeks if nothing changes – he’s a goner. I’m starting to feel like I need my space back – all two bedrooms; plus I’m about to start redecorating and I don’t need a trash bag ruining my beautiful atmosphere. I mean honestly! I was being kind.

I better stop, I’m starting to feel enraged.

Back at work and almost happy

2009-05-27T10:37:00.003+01:00

Yes, I'm back at work and almost happy to be back. I was begining to get bored at home. I get restless if I spend too long in doors. I was pleased when my alarm went off this morning.

I got to work, turned my PC on. Open my emails and this is the first email I opened:

It's called the streaker and it certainly put a smile on my face on this miserable spring morning.

After the chilled weeked - Shame about the weather

2009-05-26T11:06:00.005+01:00

There seemed to be so much hype about this weekend. Everyone was so excited about another bank holiday their weekeds started on Thursday. I was being sensible so I didn't. I decided I'd only go out on Friday which I did. Come Saturday I was too tired to do anything else I stayed in. Besides I got in early evening on Saturday after the night before. Yes I was out for nearly 36 hours. I've still got the stamina. No body else seemed to want to do much so we decided to stay in and order a take away. The rest of the weekend was chilled and involved lots of cleaning and DIY shops - I'm re-decorating my flat.

Sitting outside a café in Soho on Sunday, I suddenly got pissed off. I sort of forced my friends to go to another part of Soho where they weren’t so many loved up gay couples walking past. In case you are wondering, I am feeling a little lonely at the moment and perhaps a little jealous of these couples. They all look so smug and smiley when walking hand in hand saying what appears to be sweet nothings to each other. I hope I wasn’t like that a couple of months ago when I was seeing the pilot. Some of them seemed so determined to hold hands they wouldn’t let go of each other even when it started to rain. Oh romance is such a funny entity.

One the other hand, I shouldn’t be complaining. I’ve had my share of men-friends. I seem to be going to a mini drought at the moment. I’m by no means sexually starved of course. But I seem to have gotten bored of casual encounters. It’s not helped by the fact that most of my friends are single. We seem to spend too much time in each other’s company and that is every weekend. I keep wondering whether my attention to one group of friends is in turn is preventing me from noticing other people outside the circle that might be interested in me. As of last month, I started to adopt another strategy. The strategy has been to try and move in different circles. I’ve been meeting new people many of who seem to have lots of other interests other than get trashed every weekend. I’ve even been invited to Iceland in July – I’m yet to accept – I’m not sure of the motives of the guy that invited me. I’ll keep you updated on this one – we’ve been texting.

Oh just an update on the friend that’s living with me. He’s registered with a couple of agencies, I think one them rang this morning but he’s gone to register with the doctor and left his phone. I’m a little nervous about him being called for work. He doesn’t have a single pair of non-denim trousers, a formal shirt or black shoes. I can’t even lend him any of my clothes because he’s a shoe size 5 – I’m a ten. He wears size 28 trousers, I’m a 32. I guess my hands are tied this time. There’s only so much I can do to help him. I’m hopeful that he’ll start work in the next couple of weeks.

I must be mad!

2009-05-19T17:54:00.001+01:00

I am either crazy, damn, really kind or downright stupid - could be a mixture of all the four. The jury is still out in this little head that I call mine.

People that read this blog might remember that I was planning to move house a while ago. Well, I did. I move slightly further out of town and live in a two bed roomed flat alone. A couple of months ago, whilst out on a shindig I met this nice boy. Not nice in the sense that I wanted him or anything like that; he was just a nice person. He was apparently drawn to me the from the moment he met - he didn’t tell me this, his friends did. We sort of rang out with the same bunch of people so each time I wasn’t out with them he’d ask where I was etc.

As we got to know each other, I decided to pry into his life. Oh what a big mistake! He told me everything about himself and his family. The alcoholic father, the death of his mother, his gay brother that hates him, his drugged up past, the physically abusive ex-boyfriend and finally being unemployed and homeless. Ooh, I forgot to mention the escorting. He told me this over the space of about 2 hours in a club with really loud music. You have no idea what was going through my mind. I had to stop him the end and told him that it neither the right time nor place to have conversations like that. He agreed, I left and to go and get my self a couple of tequilas. I really needed them after a convo like that.

I didn’t see him for a couple of months – purely because I decided to cut down on the intake of social juice. You can have too much of a good thing sometimes to the point of wearing yourself out. Which is what I felt was happening to me.

Last bank holiday me and a friend decided to go to Trade@Orange (Fire) -yes I still go there on the odd occasion. I bumped into this friend. He went off on one again. This time he was in tears, he desperately wanted somewhere to stay. He was sharing a small bedroom in Vauxhall with no window with another girl and they were paying around £140 a week for the rent. I said I’d see.

I went away and I thought about it. I rang him about two weeks later and told him he could move in temporarily until he sorted himself out. You must think I’m mad to do such a thing. After all, I know nothing about the boy apart from all the stuff he’s told me. It could all be lies and fairy tale sob stories so he can find somewhere free to crash. All those things went through my mind before I actually said he could come and stay. Nevertheless, I’m the sort of person who can’t bear to see people suffer. I just thought he was the sort of person that needed a break from what he told me. I suspect that he ended up with the wrong crowd, which is the reason he ended up where he is. I go out more than the average person but I’ve always worried about over doing it to the extent that I end up loosing my job or home.

He’s been living with me for 3 weeks. He hasn’t been out – well living that far out of town doesn’t really encourage anyone to go out. The one good thing is that he doesn’t drink (alcohol). It’s a good thing for me because I find that I don’t drink as much when I’m around him. The one thing he does that annoys me is how much food he eats – he eats an unbelievable quantity of food. However, the boy is really skinny which makes me wonder how he manages to do that.

I have to say, it’s been good so far. How long this is going to last, I have no idea. If he does fuck up, he knows he’ll end up on the street. I hope he bears that mind.

There’ll be more of this to come. I’m sure.

The wonderer is near his return

2009-04-30T22:00:00.003+01:00

I've been on a massive adventure - I'm still deciding on whether it was good or bad. But there massive lessons to be learned (as stated like a true project manager that I am)

No doubt, I shall fill you all in when I'm more settled and rested.

I hope you're all well and immensely happy or least trying to be. It could be a lot worse.

Ciao for now.

Just like a tornado....

2008-10-19T12:44:00.000+01:00

He came with as much force as a tornado; he’s disappeared in much the same way. I don’t really understand.

Me and the pilot are no longer as I said before albeit we’re still on good terms. We spent his birthday together a couple of weeks ago. After the pilot came the Psychiatrist; a really charming Scott with wonderful appendage (yes it was amazing!). I was starting to think that this was going to head to somewhere special. He’s kept me really occupied in the past 7 weeks it’s been amazing. Posting anything on here has not been on mind because my mind was centred on this one person. I was also afraid I might jinx things by talking about him – lesson learned. I must endeavour to be less superstitious in future.

It’s been 10 days now since I heard from him. I really don’t know what’s happening. Your guess is as good as mine. I’ve had no response from either texts or calls. I’m not distressed or anything like that. I’m little annoyed because I’m in limbo. I keep asking myself is he dead – definitely not because one of my friends so him catching the train to work at Waterloo. If I did something wrong I’d like to know about that too. If he has any issues I wish he’d bring them out in the open. He was even talking us going away for Christmas together. That’s down the pan. I’ve decided I’m either going to India, Spain or Cameroon for Christmas. I really curious about Cameroon – should be ok. I’ll be hanging out with American Diplomats who are really good friends of mine.

Anyway, I’ve decided to move on. I’ll keep you posted. I’m more than likely to bump into him sooner or later. Honestly I sometimes think men are more trouble than they’re worth. Crikey.

It's been a while,...

2008-09-16T23:42:00.002+01:00

It’s been a while so I’m not sure where to start - too much has happened.

I’ll tell you about my birthday. It was amazing!!!! It sort of turned out to be a bigger party than I had expected. You see, two weeks before the actual day, I’d reserved a section in Jrink (it’s the correct spelling - thanks for noticing). The bar called me a week before and said we couldn’t have a booth because they’d over booked. They said they could arrange seating on the area near to the bar with the high stools. I politely declined. I spent most of that day at work wondering where to go/do. I’d already sent out the invites which didn’t help and it was only 5 days to go. I decided I’d go through town after work to check some venues out. On my way to Soho, I remembered one of my friends reserving an area in Bar LVPO (pronounced Lupo). I went there, checked the place out, spoke to the manager and he said they had room for about 15 more people. On top of that they’d throw in a few food platters. Yippee!! I couldn’t wait for the Saturday. I was woken up early on Saturday by someone wanting to take me out to lunch – I declined. I’ve learned years ago that an early start to birthday celebrations leads to – ruined birthdays. I decided to take it easy, stay at home, make myself a lovely lunch (alone) then meet with everyone later.

I got to the bar at 8.30pm sharp like I’d booked. I don’t like lateness when it comes to things like this. I also got a bit bored at home so I decided to head out into town. Got into the bar and shock horror - no one there. I thought ‘oh shit - this is when you realise you are not as popular as you are’. You invited all these people and no one is going to turn up. The bastards didn’t start arriving till after 9.15pm. I felt like a right knob sat there all alone drinking wine like a lone tramp on a park bench. To make matters worse they all colluded and thought it would be funny to turn up late. Like I said earlier I hate tardiness. They all did turn up in the end though even those that had not been invited. Come the end of the night (around 4.00am) there were around 30 people. We then moved to Vauxhall to extend our night of raucous fun. Good fun it was too. We started off at Embankment Bar, and then went to Fire. You’ll forgive me for I seem to have lost a couple of hours in between. The next time I looked at a watch I was dancing profusely in on the little stage thing in the main dance room. I carried on till around 2.00pm when I decided to go home. I had to get some rest because of work the next day.

We all decided to leave. I made my way to the tube I dread to think what the public thought of me. Apparently I still looked wrecked as one of my friends said. I beg to differ – although, one may argue that I might not have been able to tell. We were all going in different direction, so I decided to head off home. I took the train to Marylebone – not sure why but I think I wanted to stop off at a friend's near Harrow to pick my jacket. I didn’t mind the journey because he lives right near the station. So I got on the train, I’m not sure what happened after that but the next time I woke up I was in Birmingham New Street. It was coming to 5pm and I should have been catching some sleep, chilling out in bed or watching crappy Sunday TV. To make matters worse, there was flooding somewhere in the Chilterns, Buckinghamshire and part of the train track was flooded. As a result, there were no trains to London. We waited for almost another 1 hour for the engineers to sort the water out – how this was done I have no idea. Eventually, the train did arrive. This was followed by a human stampede all whom trying to get their bums down for the long journey. I had no more energy by this so I decided to walk, got onto the train; there were obviously no more seats left so I decided to seat on the floor. The train left, luckily, it was not going to stop anywhere between Birmingham and London. I got off and walked home and went straight to bed.

There, a massive anti-climax to what should have been a really lovely weekend. I don’t mind though because these things happen. It certainly won’t stop me going out next time.

I'm Rubbish

2008-09-04T21:40:00.002+01:00

Sorry boys and girls,

I haven't posted in ages. Too much going on; too little time to post. Blame it on my new employers. I do, however, love the new job. I'll tell you all about it - including the row I had in the second week with one of my subordinates - can you imagine? Anyway gotta go. Ciao xxx

Happy Birthday to me!!

2008-08-19T21:54:00.002+01:00

Yes, it's my birthday today. I'm not going to go out and celebrate the fact that I'll never be in my twenties again. Why? I'm working. I just started a new job so I can't go out and get completely lashed. I'll be free towards the end of the month and I intend to paint the town crimson - yeah forget painting it red. I'll go all out. Hope everyone invited can make it.

The Niger met the Zambezi near Hyde Park

2008-08-11T16:32:00.004+01:00

Last Saturday I attended my friend’s wedding. I’ve talked about her before – the one getting married to a Zambian. Well, she is now. I didn’t attend the church service – they’re born again Christians and their services take so long. Before you even start saying anything, I’m well aware I should have been there. After all, we’ve been friends for nearly ten years. But, I just couldn’t bear having to sit in one place for 3 hours while all this ‘sing song’ went on for about three hours. ‘Born-agains’ are also a bit shouty whilst preaching I find – why though? They also say too many halleluiahs. Having never been to Nigerian-Zambian wedding before, I kind of assumed the service would end at 3.00pm then there would be photographs and those things in between and then get to the reception for six. I was spot on. I went with my cousin – no, the pilot wasn’t allowed to come for obvious reasons. I imagine if someone spotted us having a sneaky kiss.

We got in, looked for where we were supposed to seat. They had a seating plan you see. We got to our table only to find it had squatters – bloody typical! They wouldn’t budge even when we showed them our names on the table. We didn’t make an issue of it. We just went and sat somewhere else. It was a shame because my friend had put her friends near where she could see them. And now we were sat amongst the ladies with flamboyant head dresses – they always remind me of antlers probably because they’re all tied high and all look different. So it was a bit like being amongst a herd of dear. I’m sounding negative, but that was the first impression I got. Also no one on our table said hello. Yes we did try – I even tried smiling but we just got blank stares with expressions asking where/who this foreign lot was or from. We’re were mostly African.

We settled down then our eyes started to wonder about the place noticing things. I forgot to mention that the reception was held at Porchester Hall in Bayswater. I was a bit doubtful about the location but on entering we found that it was quite lovely. The setting of the room where the reception was held was Victorian with wood panelling and the loveliest chandlers across this really high ceiling. It was actually really stunning. Me and my Cousin were busy showing each other all these little details for around 30 mins. The room was just so beautifully decorated for the wedding. Then suddenly they started playing music. This was followed by the bridesmaids and groomsmen and then the bride and groom. They were doing this kind of mid temple dance – I can’t explain it; but it appeared to be of Nigerian origin. They danced all the way to their seats.

The MC, God bless him took over and asked everyone to stand up. Then he started praying then he asked other pastors to come pray. The pastors had their on table of about 12 – the high priests I called them. The praying went on for another 2 hours. There was me asking whether I’d actually managed to dodge the church service but obviously not. I decided I was going to have a drink. All the drinks they had were none alcoholic. I didn’t mind so much but my cousin did. She didn’t like any of the drinks so when she asked for some wine, they brought a bottle of red non-alcoholic wine. The expression on her face cracked me up – no, she’s not an ‘alkie’ in case you’re wondering. I haven’t laughed so much in ages. She felt a bit cheated that the wedding was held on a Saturday without alcohol. I’d never been to non-alcoholic wedding before so I was also a bit taken back.

The first dance was between the bride and her father – he’s got to have the last dance before giving her away for good - it’s an African tradition. She started to cry which me made me kind of emotional too – yes I know, I have emotions too. It was quite beautiful to watch. It made me realise how we’ve all grown up. Then the bride was traditionally given to the groom to dance with. The dance was just so romantic. She was still crying and he was holding her really close as if to say ‘don’t worry I’ll look after you from now on. One of the things that made me laugh was this lady who came up and prayed for the wedding cake. Only the bride and groom tasted it. Now this left me puzzled. What? No wedding cake for the guests? I really love wedding cake by the way. It was right next to me as well which was even more annoying because the cake kept on making eyes at me. I’m sure it winked at me at some point. Sorry, I think my imagination went a little crazy there. There was also the part when the couple changed into their Nigerian outfits. I have to say my friend looked really stunning in hers. Then the dancing started again. This was followed by lots of people coming and throwing money at the couple. It was actually quite a lot of money. This was £20 and £50 notes. They had a tray full of cash in bundles by the end. Well my friend’s family is quite well off. I think they had a 5 figure amount to get them started by the end of the night. What a nice way to start a marriage? Even better, they own their house already.

==========

I’m starting a new job this week. I’m so excited about it I can almost not contain myself. I’ve been waiting bloody ages for this. So, woo hoo!!! On the other hand, I keep asking myself whether the role is challenging enough. The job I currently have is a piece of piss – even my boss once told me I could do it with my brain shut off. That said something to me and made me even more determined to make a move out of this place. I was also starting to feel like my brain was wasting away. One thing it’s taught me is to ensure that you research and find out as much as possible about a job before applying for it. I did that this time. I didn’t when I applied for this one.

==========

On another note: I’ve been feeling really randy lately. Not sure this is a good thing. I even find my self looking at men’s crouches on the tube (this I can understand – there’s really no where else to look if you’re not reading a paper or book) and on the street. I haven’t felt like this in ages, I wonder if it is a sign of something. I’ve to rejoin Gaydar after deciding a couple of years ago that I’d never use it again. Yes it’s been lovely traipsing around London and looking around all these men’s houses. I wonder how long it will last because I’m actually enjoying it – probably when the next semi bf turns I guess.

That’s all folks.

Just a quick update

2008-07-29T16:28:00.001+01:00

It’s been ages since I last posted. I’ve had people moaning at me for not posting. So I’m just going to give you a brief update:

1. I’m sort of single. Well, to be quite honest I’m still seeing the pilot but I’m a little doubtful so my eyes have started wondering about. I’m going to put an end to it some time in the near future. The pilot said something in passing that actually made me doubt us having a future together. I’m not going to hang around and wait to find out. Time (especially my time) waits for no man. We of course remain really close. I still fancy the pants off him – the doubt within me is preventing me from giving my all. I do hope I’m not being unreasonable.

2. I was a really naughty at pride. I played away and got punished for it severely. Yes it’s true; God does work in mysterious ways. The punishment came in the form of being robbed. Not mugged but robbed in someone’s house. I pulled this guy, went back to his for a bit of nooky and then some tosser went into my bag and stole my wallet along with my I-pod. I realised when I was in the taxi on the way home. I should have gone back but I thought it would be pointless. I didn’t think anyone would own up to doing it. It doesn’t mean I won’t play away from home again. He was too delicious looking to let go. Shame about his flatmates being thieves. I had to laugh about the whole event. I found it too comical i.e. pulling someone in a club, going back to their house for a shag and then be robbed by his flatmates. What a wonderful world we live in.

3. I’m moving into my new flat at the end of the month. Woo Hoo!

4. I start a new job in the Middle of August. Even more WOO HOO! This summer’s not been that bad after all.

5. I promised to post the pics from Pride 08. I’ll do that tomorrow. I stupidly forgot my camera.

The story so far

2008-07-01T13:53:00.001+01:00

What a way to start July. The sun’s out and it’s just so lovely. As I type this, I think I’m still drunk since yesterday. Actually I know I’m still drunk. I can hardly type. I wonder how I’ll manage going through the day. I really do. I’m not hangover; just still pissed. Bear in mind it’s only Tuesday. I have a good excuse though. I haven’t been out for a week. You see, I went to meet Silas for a coffee yesterday and ended up staying out till late – late as in the coffee seemed to last till 4.00am (forget the seemed bit, it actually did). We went to Costa Coffee, The Village Bar, Rupert Street Bar, Freedom, Arbutus Restaurant, Profile Bar, Rupert Street, Profile Bar and finally Shadow Lounge. Thank God the drinks were only £2 otherwise I’d have been crying. I feel so sorry for Silas though; he has to go to a photo shoot and his doing all the make-up for the models. I’m just hiding behind my desk my eyes are the same colour as Sanguinello Oranges and I look like an angry cat at a vets. Everyone’s keeping away from me. They think someone pissed me off this morning or that I was crying before I came in and don’t want to talk about it. All the better for me I say; I’ll manage though – I’m a soldier and the commander of my battalion.

And now for an update on the escorting. About 2 weekends ago, on a lovely sunny Sunday afternoon we all decided to go to Hampstead Heath. We chilled, ate, drank, laughed and generally just messed around. Some of the boys went swimming in the pond. I can’t (although I’d love to) swim so I stayed and watched the bags and all the other stuff we had. Time flew by, we were having fun. Suddenly this guy in the tightest swimming pants came and approached us. He wanted us to sign his petition to have the nudist area in the men’s section enlarged. Gladly we signed the petition – nothing wrong with having more eye candy on full display. The guy acting a bit odd we wondered why. Then it clicked – he was high and off his face on whatever. Again, as often happens, the intros and small chat begun. We asked him what he did and told us he was an escort. He’s 50, skinny as a rake, and he has a turkey neck. He was probably good looking in his younger days but I think the drugs, booze, cigarettes and too much sun/sun beds have taken their toil on him. That said, he earns £150 an hour. He’s been taken all over the world by his clients. They pay for all the expenses of course – flights, accommodation et al.

Silas heard this and his eyes almost popped out. Silas asked the guy all kinds of questions, what he does and what he doesn’t do (sexually) etc. I’m going to have to spare you the details; some of the stuff he does is just too vile to write about but get this he does everything you can ever imagine. All this time most of the other boys around us were listening attentively as this guy spoke about his work. In the end, he and Silas swapped numbers and he told Silas to his house in Brixton so they could talk a little more. Has Silas done it? No, he chicken out. He was hoping I’d go down with him. I simply told him to piss off. I’m not in the list curious about knowing this man and what he does. I’m not saying what he does is wrong; I’m just not interested. Much as Silas is crazy, he’s also a chicken and a small one at that. He’s completely given up on the idea of escorting and is now looking for another scheme. If I had decided to do it, I would have gone back with the man on that very day and got more information/advice. I’m sure Silas will start talking about it when things get rough.

It’s taken me about 4 hours to write this. I’m starting to sober up – Amen!

On another note, I had two lovely weeks in Ireland last month – Hence the lack to entries. I’m afraid still sweetness, delight, sunshine, stars, wonderful flowers, honey and all things beautiful on the love front. I can’t think of any other way to describe it. But, and there’s always a but; the Devil (that bastard) almost tempted me on Sunday. I ran into my ex from around 4 years ago. I almost went back to his. My ex tried to and almost convinced me to go back to his. But I came to my senses and turned him down. I’m quite chuffed with myself really. I wouldn’t have done that 5 years ago.

It’s Gay Pride this Saturday. I’m definitely going to post some pictures for a change. Some members of the battalion have even gone out and bought some outs. I can’t wait. Come on week, hurry up and end.

Wedding Bells, Fishing and a Rent Boy

2008-06-13T16:50:00.002+01:00

I had a call from my friend Kemi who I went to Imperial College with. It was a bit out of the blue because she doesn’t keep in touch - simply out of laziness – she’s crap like that and knows it. I ask myself everyday how someone can suffer from such laziness to the extent that they can even speak to Kitara. Moving on, I asked her what was up and all that. We had a giggle and then she finally dropped it on me. She’s getting married next month. She met a nice Zambian boy when she was doing her masters and decided he’s the one. She said she’d be honoured if I could attend her wedding – ah – that moment still puts a smile on my face. So I’ll make an extra effort to attend – present in hand of course.

I’m yet too meet the Zambian boy – so I can’t say how nice he is or looks. She’s been going on about him for years but I’ve never met him. So I get to meet the lucky boy on his big day. Mind you, I don’t know how the marriage is going to work without them having never lived together. I would have thought it would be a crucial step when forming a permanent relationship. I’m I being short sighted? – Comments would be appreciated. I’m really looking forward to this wedding. I’ll get to see Nadia who was one of my best mates at Uni. She’s one of the bride’s maids. Nadia used to have a crush on me at Uni. We only snogged. I didn’t really want to waist her time. She was too pretty (still is) and really nice and I thought she deserved someone better.

Yes, you read that right. I was fisherman that used enjoy playing with coin slots. I still do sometimes – last time was a couple of months ago – I blame it on booze – no regrets by the way. Someone, years ago, introduced me to the big bulls on land I love the red meat on land I stayed. Some members of the battalion are questioning my sexuality they think I might be confused. ‘No, I’m not confused at all’ I tell them and I’m not ‘Bi’ either - I rather like the term ‘straight-curious’. I explain to them using the chocolate and cheese analogy. The white/red meat analogy doesn’t work. I love both equally. Basically, I am not a fan of chocolate; so give me cheese (the smellier the better) any time of the day and I’ll scoff it down. Chocolate on the other hand is a very occasional thing. Once every 6 months or so I get craving for it, so I stop off at La Maison du Chocolat after work and get some. I still love my cheese of course but I don’t stop and think ‘ooh I’m starting to love chocolate’. Cheese will always be number one - end of. I hope you got it. Anyway my friend thinks he couldn’t think of anything more off putting – his problem not mine.

My friend; yes, that one that thinks sleeping with women is off bought a laptop two weeks ago. He’s had his broad band fixed, bought a webcam and has started playing with himself live on camera for money. He joined some live video website which I’ve never heard of and plays with himself. He’s also started charging money for sex by setting up a commercial Gaydar profile. He’s even gone as far mapping out his postcode and he intends to serve it fully. I’m still wondering what drove him to this. He’s not desperate for money – I know for sure. He has a really well paid job, and if he needs more money, mummy’s always a phone call away. But knowing the person he is, he’s too lazy and is not the sort of person who will work hard for his money. I can’t wait to see how much money I going to start rolling in; to begin with he lives in a really shitty area - Canning Town. I can't see anyone around there wanting to pay up to £150 for an hour with him. We'll see I guess.

I’m done for this entry.

I hope you have a most pleasant weekend. Mine will be pleasant; I sure of it.

Sweetness, delight and sunshine

2008-06-06T14:45:00.005+01:00

The weather has been so awful lately. I only noticed it yesterday because the pilot was leaving. Apart from that everything has been sweetness, delight, sunshine, honey, roses, cream, chocolate and all other things lovely and wonderful. Yes I felt the rain but I didn't seem to mind it so much. So when it rained yesterday - I got annoyed. Bloody bastard British weather!

Most people have seen it or are going to, they talking about it or will talk about sometime next week; yeah you guessed it – Sex and the City. To me it’s the only cliché gay TV show I was ever into – I tell a lie; there was queer as folk (the Brit one of course – the American one was numb-shite) and a tale of 2 cities. I’ve never been into ‘gay’ music e.g. Donna Summer, Kylie or Madonna or anything camp. I simply don’t like it – it bores me witless.

I don’t know why but I imagine I got into SATC because it had elements of life that I aspired to in life e.g. a tight group of friends, a good relationship, a good career, a lovely home, enjoying life, lots of shoes and general organised chaotic fun. I want to go and see the film but I get put off by the hoards of girls that are apparently filling up the cinemas to watch it. I asked the pilot if he wanted to go and see it; he said yeah but we’d have to wait until all the hoo-hah about it ends. That to me sounds like a lovely idea; I’m imagining us catching the last show on a Saturday night – mmm… lovely thoughts run through my mind.

On another note, the battalion seems to have disbanded temporarily whilst some of its members are being wooed and romanced. I’m seeing the pilot; Michael’s started seeing Gary from St Alban’s and Alpha’s seeing Simon who he met in Fire. There’s a story to tell there actually. The first time I met Simon, we were in the queue waiting to get into fire. I suddenly looked back at the guys behind us and there was this cute guy. He smiled and winked at me. He somehow got in front of me in the queue – I think it was because I was being searched. I cheekily smacked his bottom (I’d had a drink or four so excuse me – I’m usually a little more subtle) and said to him “move it Mr”. He laughed and got in. I thought that was the end of it, but about 45 mins later he came up to me. He said he’d been looking for me. We talked for a bit, I even kissed him (yes! things move a little faster when I’m slightly merry). At this point I knew nothing about the history between him and Alpha by the way. Alpha had seen him in the queue and not said anything to him so I assumed they didn’t know each other. We exchanged numbers and had a final snog and he asked me to call him.

I went running back to the rest of the battalion full of excitement and told them about the guy I’d met. All Alpha said to me was “I know Simon; he’s the guy I’ve been talking about all this time”. I asked him why he’d let me get carried away with this guy knowing full well that he had a history and still liked him. He said he didn’t want to speak to him because left him with a ‘lust hangover’. Alpha had even deleted Simon’s number from his phone (how some people’s brains work eh?). I found Simon again, I asked him what the history was between him and Alpha and he told me. He also thought Alpha had gone off him and that that was the reason he’d blanked him. I thought what silly boys. So I decided I’d knock both their heads together and got them talking. They’re still talking, only with a bit more enjoyment and exchanges of body fluids. It’s nice to see I have to say. I always say he’s lucky he got away because this happened around the same time I was thinking of ‘stalking’ the pilot – stalk is such a strong word it gives me shivers.

So out of the 6 of us, it just Silas and Mahdi (the newbie) who are the ‘singletons’; they’re not complaining though. They’re the sort of boys that always have admirers. There are days Silas actually struggles to find time to go home - yes you better believe it. All I can say is good luck to them both. I think I’m better suited to the position I’m in now. I can’t; can’t be traipsing, trekking and meandering across London like a lost soul days on end for a bit of nookie. I love nookie too but my formula is much less complicated than that and it works for me.

I must find Diana Ross's 'Love Hangover' Video. Yes; I know I said I don't like camp music. I just happen to like the lyrics on this one. I hate the rest of her music.

====================================================

And now for two silly jokes:

My ex-girlfriend has a picture of a sea shell tattooed on her inner thigh. If you put your ear to it, you can smell the ocean.

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A woman was talking to her friend the other day."Honestly, I dont know how I keep getting pregnant - it must be something in the air."The other woman replies, "yes, your legs."

Have a really delightful weekend.

Sweet sweet sweet

2008-06-04T10:24:00.002+01:00

I've been M.I.A. Sorry to those that missed me too much. I ca't really explain how I'm feeling right now so I'll use Diana words:

If there's a cure for this
I don't want it
Don't want it
If there's a remedy
I'll run from it
From it

Think about it all the time
Never let it out of my mind'
Cause I love you

I've got the sweetest hangover
I don't wanna get over
Sweetest hangover

Yeah, I don't wanna get over
I don't wanna get
I don't wanna get...over

Ooh, I don't need no cure
I don't need no cure
I don't need no cure

Well I don't think it's love quite yet. But I hope I'm on the way to it.

Birthdays and family affairs

2008-05-19T15:46:00.000+01:00

I had a really eventful weekend – nothing new there! My weekends are always eventful. I went to new friend’s birthday party on Friday. It had to be the most un-gay birthday party I have ever been to. There were six of us ‘usuals’ and about 25 girls – too many fannies and not enough cock. It was alright I guess, I think I expected to have a lot more fun but the screeching and screaming from the pissed girls ruined the evening. I don’t know what it is about girls but some of them seem to get overly excited when they’re around gay men. I find that it grates on me sometimes. I’m like ‘I love cock just like you – get over it!’

Saturday was yet another birthday party for PP one of my ex-colleagues. This entire month is filled with friend’s birthdays. There’s a party every weekend till the end of the month. It wasn’t a raucous party or anything like that. It was really civilised. We were talking, eating and laughing. I laughed a lot or made people laugh. I seemed to be on form. This time there was a perfect balance between the boys and girls. It was gay house in South West London. The night ended with everyone still wearing their clothes which was a relief. It wasn’t a long nighter; we left at 1.00am with deaf/hearing couple who were quite interesting. The deaf one was really pissed. I kept on asking his hearing partner all about their relationship for example how they argued and things like that. I wondered whether I was annoying him but he said it was cool and that he was happy that I was inquisitive about their relationship.

We got the bus in Balham to Clapham and went to meet my cousins who were in Bootylicious at the Colosseum . I can’t say it’s the most brilliant night I’ve had. It was only fun because I was there with my gay cousins – a lovely family affair. My cousin Jacqui took lots of pictures which will no doubt end up on Facebook. I’m dreading that because some of them are quite incriminating. I got overly amorous with a family friend – we’re not blood so it’s OK. I’ve always not really fancied but been rather curious about him since he came out years ago. He had his arm around my waist most of the evening. He’s now gone and made me slightly confused and some what thrown me off course slightly with my big fish that I’m trying to reel in. I hate it when things like this happen. My romantic life seems all too complicated, erratic and zig-zaggy. There are sometimes too many men and not enough time.

Anyway, I don’t think I’m going back to Bootylicious; it was the first and last time. I just found it too ghetto for me. It lacked that certain atmosphere that made me want to go back. There seemed to be many kids kinda like the ones you get on buses playing loud music from their mobiles. There were also a couple of fights between lesbians – why? I don’t and wasn’t particularly interested. The whole night just seemed chaotic.

We left in the morning and headed to Silas’s in North London. We made breakfast, had a kip and went back into town for drinks with Sian. I left them at 9.00pm and headed home; I was quite tired and really wanted my bed. So, I jumped on the Piccadilly line west bound. It wasn’t long before I dosed off. I woke up at nearly 10.00pm in bloody Heathrow. The only reason I woke up was because the train had terminated. I just laughed at my self and jumped on the train back east bound. I got home at nearly 11.00pm and headed straight to bed. I didn’t speak to anyone in the house. I crashed out; woke up this morning feeling as fresh as daisy.

A little entry about my fish

2008-05-16T12:55:00.002+01:00

Two entries on the same day; well it’s Friday afternoon and I’m all alone in the office.

I keep forgetting to tell you about the big fish that is Andrew. I’m still reeling him in. He’s a pilot you see and flies quite a bit. But we spend most times he’s back in London together. In words of a Jamaican “every-ting sweet and nice”. I get really giddy; excited when I know I’m going to see him. I disappeared on Sunday and came back on Wednesday. My cousins almost called the police because they didn’t know where I was. I had my phone with me so I don’t know why they were worried all they had to do was ring. Not sure I would have answered anyway - I was enjoying myself; I really was. I just wish I could spend a little more time with him than I am now. I’m not going to bore you with all the gooey romantic moments that we share. It is just, just so lovely at the moment. The sun is shining in my heart and I seem to be forever smiling; even now as I type this.

===========================

And now for a sick joke (shows you how scattered my mind is) but it made me laugh:

This guy wanked over a blind girl yesterday. He says she never saw him coming.

A Scary Encounter With 'G'

2008-05-16T11:27:00.007+01:00

Everything that’s worth writing about these days seems to happen around the random people that I meet. Before anyone says anything; the encounter was around someone else high on ‘G’. I’m not eager to try things like that. I really wouldn’t want to after the experience I went through being around someone high on it. I’m starting to wonder if my guardian angel is trying to tell me something.

I was again invited round someone’s flat after a few drinks in town. I wasn’t alone (thank God); I decided to take Silas along with me because I know he is a trooper, a ninja, and the most hardcore of all in the battalion. I’m sure you’ve heard me say he has no ‘stop’ button. Anyway, we left The End after the final dance for Discotec (another wicked mid week event closed for the last time – shame). We strolled into Soho, with some randoms stopping along the way, stocking up on food and drink. There were only 3 randoms when we got to Soho; Ed (oriental), Mikey (English – so so hot!!) and a Ghanaian guy whose name I can’t remember – no point trying to remember- I found him really annoying and we continually clashed the whole entire time I was around him. I think his name was something boring and colonial like Johnson.

We got to Wardour Street in the wee hours. The flat was on the 4th floor. It was an absolute nightmare having to take all those flights of stairs pissed. The stairs seemed never ending but we made it in the end and got into the flat. There was no need for intros as we’d done all that on the way into Soho. That flat was an absolute fucking tip. See below. The bathroom was, however, somehow kept spotless. It didn’t make any sense that everywhere was a mess apart from the bathroom. There was no room to sit anywhere in the lounge – it was too messy.

The flat looked something like this.

We agreed to go and sit on the roof terrace. It was a nice warm morning so it seemed like a good idea. Mikey pulled out a small bottle from his pocket. I asked what it was he said it was ‘GBL’. Then he offered me some; I politely declined. The liquid smelt vile anyway like paint stripper – I found out this week it is actually paint stripper. It didn’t take long for him to get the hit. He was kind of sitting down then he sort of keeled over slowly onto the floor. I asked Ed if Mikey was going to be alright; he said yeah and that he did that all the time. I found out that that he’d collapsed because he’d taken a little too much – not too much to overdose though. After a while, Mikey started to spasm uncontrollably. I’d never seen anything like it so I was shitting myself thinking he’s going to die. When this all started the other guys had gone downstairs to the kitchen to get drinks. I was getting worried and actually scared. So I shouted for Ed to come. He came and held Mikey while he spasmed uncontrollably. I started to wonder whether to call an ambulance. Ed said that Mikey would be alright. Then suddenly, Mikey fell asleep and Ed said we should leave him to sleep the ‘G’ off.

I had sobered up completely by this time and went downstairs to join the rest. It was around 7.00am and the others were dosing off. I couldn’t do that knowing there was someone up on the rooftop I wasn’t sure was just asleep. So I went back on the rooftop to check on Mikey. He was covered in sick. He’d thrown up all over himself and the really expensive Marc Jacobs coat he was sleeping on – see how people die? So I shook him almost violently until he woke up. I called everyone and they all came and we helped Mikey down. We had to strip him and help him get into the bath. The bath helped a lot. He woke up fully but seemed a little dazed. I’d had enough by this time, so I told Silas to get ready because we were leaving.

After the whole experience of seeing someone spasm like a spastic, vomit all over themselves; I was left wondering where the fun is in taking ‘G’. I certainly didn’t see Mikey enjoying himself high up wherever he was. Well he wasn’t even high, he was passed out on the rooftop and looked more like a wet, wilting lettuce. I’m too vain to let other people see me in such a state. So I’ll definitely try and avoid reckless people like that in future.

One night in Kennington

2008-05-09T11:46:00.003+01:00

I said in my last post that some of the drama that went on last week deserved its own entry. Some to be quite honest was eye opening and some I thought was just crass, weird, odd and worrying.

Occasionally when we go out partying we meet/make friends with random people or random people make friends with us. In fact, this is how I met some members of what I call our battalion. For example, I met Alpha clubbing in Fiction at the Cross (I was peeved off when it shut). He wanted to carry on partying so we invited him to come along with us to Fire. We haven’t looked back since and we’ve been friends for over 5 years now. I also met the Viking out partying 6 years ago. He was visiting London for the 1st time and wasn’t sure where to go so we invited him to hang out with us. Over the years there’s been many; some have come and gone and others have hang around but remained in the distance.

On the Friday I changed the locks to my former flat, I’d arranged to meet with Michael and some other South Africans. I got to Angel around 7pm as agreed. The boys were already in there so I was pleased because I wouldn’t have to hang around loitering like a lost soul. We started the fun, going from bar to bar, stopping off here and there for a little dance and then carrying on again. Thank God, I was pacing myself otherwise I was would have been completely trolleyed by 10.00pm. Come 1.00am, most of the boys were tired and wanted to head off somewhere more chilled. One of the guys rang his friends and asked what they were up to. His friends said they were just chilling at their house in Kennington (the friends are a gay couple in their early 40s and have been together for 16 years).

We got to the house, got in, and started on the introductions and small talk i.e. getting to know each other and all that. We got a tour of the townhouse – yeap; they own the whole bloody thing! And only the two of them live in it.

So, we came back, sat down and drinks started flowing; so did the conversation. All the boys started to loosen up the more they drank. Then, one of the hosts took his jeans off. He told us that he gets really hot when he’s drunk at home so he strips. 30mins later, everything came off. I was like fair enough, you’re in your house, your rules. Anyway nudity has never bothered me. The naked host sat down and carried on talking like him being naked was the most natural thing. No one said anything. Then the host started to play with him self – kind like young boys do in a non-sexual manner. He was doing this for about 30 mins, then he started to get harder and harder till he had a proper hard on. By this time, I’m thinking ‘OK’. He’s lucky, he’s one of those men with a nice cock – yes I’ll admit it, it was nice to look at.

He got up from where he was sitting and sat on the same sofa as me and Michael with his hard on intact. He wanted Michael to play with it. I didn’t even flinch; I just got off the sofa and sat on the floor. Then their wolf came in and lay down next to me – yes it was an actual Wolf (very tame though). The conversation carried on while these two were sat on the sofa with my Michael softly stroking the host’s todger. The one thing that maybe surprised me was that the host’s boyfriend was sat with us while all this was going on. He said it did not bother him; in fact he encouraged them. The host was walking around the house, serving drinks for hours and all the time, he was walking around with a hard on. I asked whether it didn’t hurt after a while he said no. He’d been doing this since he was a teenager and it didn’t hurt anymore.

We drunk lots more champagne, I got drunk and decided to go to bed; I let them carry on. Me and Michael woke up at 11.00am and went home. Michael told me on the way home that he’d blown the host whilst I was a sleep on the sofa – yeah, I know; skanky bastard right?

A week long encounter with my landlord

2008-05-07T15:07:00.001+01:00

I hate being at work when the weather’s lovely. Whilst I really love the sun it also makes me lazy at work. I’ve been sat here gorking at boys walking past in their vest tops and tight t-shirts. I’m basically just sat here doing bits and pieces of work but mostly daydreaming about being outside.

In case you weren’t aware I was off last week - interesting week I had off indeed. I mentioned before that I was having problems with my landlord. My flat needed loads of repairs e.g. the sash window that broke after the minor earthquake, the pedantic heating and the main front door doesn’t shut properly. My flat is in a lovely old building but as you know they need a lot of love. So, I decided last month that I was going to withhold the rent until he made the made the repairs. I got home on the 26th April to find the locks changed. I didn’t panic; one should never in these situations. I calmly left and spent the night at a friends.

I got up early, rang a friend who happens to be a solicitor and asked his advice. To my pleasure and joy, he told me the landlord would have to get a court order before changing the locks and that what he’d done was illegal making him liable for prosecution. He’d basically made me homeless illegally. He advised me to either go to court and try and get an injunction to get reinstated into my flat or change the locks because I had the right to. I chose the latter since the injunction would have taken some time it was also close to the bank holiday so nothing could be done. He gave me locksmith’s number who then came over and changed the locks. The locksmith did his job and then handed me the new set of keys. This was Friday afternoon, I had arranged to have time off from this day and had made plans so, I got changed and went out. There was more drama when I went out but I tell you about that later. It deserves an entry of its own. Believe me on this one!!

I got back on Saturday afternoon and jumped into the shower. An hour later, the landlord turned up demanding to be let into the flat. I refused of course and politely told him if he tried to break the door down I would call the police. I did this behind the safety of the double Chubb locked door of course. This man is about 6’5 and built like a rugby player, all the time he was shouting I was shitting myself and thought he was going to smash the door down then come and beat me up. For some unknown reason I refused to back down until he left. I remained in the flat till about 7pm when I ran out of cigarettes – I’d smoked about 15 in 3 hours. I was shitting myself about leaving the house in case he was sat in his van around the corner. I left the flat but I took the back route then managed to sneak back in. All this time I wasn’t worried about being thrown out by him, I think I was more afraid for my safety but I stupidly carried on. At around 10pm, I got bored and went into town to meet my friends.

I didn’t get back till Tuesday, by which time I had decided I would temporarily move back to my parents’ house. I rang the landlord on Thursday morning after doing all my packing and told him he could have his flat back. I’d also rang a man with a van before ringing the landlord. The landlord was at my flat within 15 mins screaming and shouting. I was prepared and armed with most of my friends so he chilled as soon as he saw them. He was basically stuffed. We moved out all the stuff peaceful. By this time the relationship between me and the landlord had broken down and I didn’t feel I wanted to live in the flat and area – much as I love Maida Vale. The best thing was that the stupid landlord left before I did, so, to punish him a little more I double locked the door again. He’s going to have to break it down to get into the flat. As stressful as the week was I feel I actually quite enjoyed it.

A good ending to a rather decrepit week

2008-04-24T14:34:00.003+01:00

Yeah, this week’s been a bit crap. Not going to go into details; I don’t want to because I’ve been moaning all week to my friends. I feel a little bummed out all round.

On a brighter note:

Good news 1:

I passed the exam I took at the beginning of the month. I’m surprised I passed because I didn’t even finish the paper. I only did 7 out the 9 questions. The exam was 3 hours long and felt completely drained after the 7th question. I was dreading having to tell my boss that I’d failed considering the organisation had shelled out a lot of money for me to take the course. So, thank God I passed. I hope I get to see the financial rewards soon.

Good News 2:

Through sheer luck yesterday, I met a friend of the guy I met last Friday on the way home from work. No, I was no where near Putney (SW London) in case you’re thinking I’d put my stalking plan into action. It turns out that won’t be necessary; I would never do such a thing. But truthfully speaking, I was thinking of making a trip down to South West London to see my friend Clare who happens to live on the same street as him. Good God, I’m listening to myself think while I type this and I sound desperate. Let me make it clear – I’m not desperate for any man or love at the moment. This one happens to be special and I’m not giving up on him just like that. I want him and only him – there I’ve said it. And since he’s that little extra special I think I should put a little more effort into it. Anyway, I exchanged numbers with this Mister and we’re all planning to meet up this weekend for drinks. And yes that includes my Mister; his friend assured me that he’d drag him out - come what may. So I remain hopeful again this weekend.

I’m not making apologies if I sound like a desperate man-eating gay shark!

A Most Wonderful Brief Encounter

2008-04-23T11:42:00.004+01:00

I met someone on Friday that’s left me confused, baffled and wanting ‘man-hair’ of a dog. Since Saturday afternoon he’s all I’ve been thinking about. He was absolutely lovely, lovely, lovely; really witty and affectionate. The one bad thing is that I forgot to get his number after breakfast in the café near mine. I remember his first name but I’m not sure how he spells his surname. I really feel like going on the hunt for him because I know the street he lives on in Putney. I also know where he works. The only thing stopping me is not wanting to seem like a stalker. I’m mystified about what to do; I really am.

I always thought things like this only happened to other people and I think I understand now. I’m going to try and Facebook him; I’ll try all possible spelling combinations of his surname. One of my friends thinks I should just leave him alone because we’re bound to meet again at some point. We hang out in the same places but I can’t believe I’ve never noticed him or seen him around. Knowing me, I probably didn’t look at him twice thinking he was out of my league. You see, he’s absolutely gorgeous; not in a pretty boy sense but a handsome with sex appeal sense. He also had a warm face which made look like a really nice person. I also like the way he’s face lights up when he smiles.

Suddenly, I feel like there’s hope out there on the love front. I’ve had my fair share of ‘slap dash’ relationships and feel a little bored of them. They weren’t miserable or terrible relationships but I felt there was something missing. Oh I don’t know,… It might just lust for all I know but I suppose only the future will tell.

Beware of Scruffy Dogs

2008-04-17T12:06:00.006+01:00

Yes beware. If you’re on a date and the other person turns up looking scruffy having made no effort at all, looking dishevelled and untidy then they’re probably scruffy in the head too. Yes, beware.

One of my best friends experienced something really embarrassing on a date last week. Like I said in the last post, I wasn’t in party mode last week. So one of my friends decided they’d go on a date instead. He’d been planning to meet up for drinks with this guy for ages but hadn’t found the time because he’d been travelling a lot lately. He rang the date and they both agreed they’d meet up at a really popular bar in the Village. They both arrived within minutes of each other; which my friend thought might be a good sign. They sat down, my friend went to the bar to get the drinks in, got back and they started on the small talk of getting to know each other – they’d previously only chatted online not about themselves but about their manginas and the things they wanted to do to each other. Apparently there were uncomfortable silences whilst they chatted and generally the conversation wasn’t flowing. The date decided that he was going to the toilet and that he’d return in secs Law and behold the boy never came back; he ran off. I felt really bad for my friend, he only realised after about 25mins that his date had disappeared (forgive my friend he’s a bit slow sometimes). He was so furious he wanted to ring his date and give him a piece of his mind. I talked him out of it; I thought it would be pointless. I explained to him that if I was the date that had ran away, I’d have probably switched my phone off or just ignored any phone calls from him. This eventually calmed him down a bit.

When he calmed down I asked him what his date looked like. He described him as a scruffy looking, unemployed, and smelly Scotsman that he wasn’t even attracted to when he saw him in real life. He added that he looked more or less like the drug pushers you get on the corner of Brewer and Rupert St. I asked why he went through with the date; he explained that he thought it would be rude to just leave. My advice to him was to make a polite but realistic excuse and leave early next time he was faced with the same problem. I personally don’t see the point of people wasting each other’s time. If there’s no chemistry then no chemistry. We don’t live in some sort of lab trying to figure out how to fuse things together using various compounds, solutions, solvents and elements. To me, if things don’t work then they don’t and I move on. That’s not to say I follow a rigid regime, I also believe in giving people a chance and first impressions aren’t always right. Manners are also key so is treating other people how I’d like to be treated. One would think that is little to ask but you find there are imbeciles out there - total and absolute C**TS like this date for example. This might sound strange, but I’m really interested to know why he ran off like that. I’d want an explanation. The bastard didn’t even have half his drink. I’m still baffled, confused and shocked at the behaviour of certain men. I’ve had enough of talking about this idiot that I don’t know so, end of.

I’m tempted to ask my friend to try and do things differently; he’s been on numerous dates, maybe about 30 this year alone but no results. I want to know what he’s doing wrong. I think it’s time we both had a chat. He also uses Gaydar a lot. I would be really interested in finding a couple that actually met on Gaydar and had a successful relationship. I don’t doubt at all that they exist but I’m a sceptical about forming relationships with people on Gaydar and online in general. I find the old way of meeting people is best, whether people meet in a bar club or supermarket or even better through friends. It’s not that I haven’t explained to this friend of mine - I tell him all the bloody time. He just won’t listen and end up wanting to say to him ‘I told you so’. I’m getting bored of saying that to him as well. Oh, I don’t know…

On another note, I've gotten over my moodiness. Funny how a smile from a stranger can turn things round within seconds. I think I'll try and get the same train as I did today. That smile was something else this morning. It did wonders for me. I'll keep you posted.

Exhausted by Ostrich Steak

2008-04-15T12:39:00.002+01:00

I’m in a foul mood, I feel stressed, exhausted and drained. I feel like I’m having a bad face week - if such thing exists at all. I don’t even know why I feel exhausted. I didn’t get up to much this weekend. I stayed in most of the time. I was meant to go to a birthday party but I didn’t because I could be arsed to move myself. I think I was put off more by the fact that the party was all the way in Canary Wharf – I live in West London so I thought it would be too much of a mission to have to traipse across London for a party. Good thing is that the person that invited me is a friend of a friend so I’m sure they won’t mind so much that I didn’t turn up. Esther my lovely friend tried to drag me out of my flat but I politely declined. All I wanted to do was go food shopping then come home and make myself a really lovely dinner and watch a film. That’s exactly what I did, I’d bought myself some ostrich steaks from alternative meats a couple of weeks back so I pulled them out of the freezer and seasoned some potatoes and made a lovely salad. It was the best bloody meal I’d had in ages. I seemed even more satisfied by the fact that I didn’t share it with anyone. It was just me, enjoying my space and company. It’s good to do these things once in a while.

I think some members of the battalion (especially Silas) find it strange that I might want to stay in and do nothing all weekend. Silas is one of those people without a stop button. He can go clubbing and then head straight to work when the club shuts. He’s taken over my party animal crown which I must say I’m pleased to handover. No, I’m not partied out yet - I don’t think it will ever come to that. But I think there are other factors involved like wanting a change of scenery. I had this discussion with Esther and Michael last week and we all agreed we’re bored of seeing the same people in the same places. We’ve basically rinsed that fun out of certain spots in London as a result we’re going to take a break from them. And as of June, we intend to spend at least one weekend out of London or the country. I’ll endeavour to put this into action because it seems like it could be a lot of fun. We’ll start off by going to see the Viking in Stockholm. I spoke to him the other day and he sounded a bit down. I think he needs some of my ever flowing rays of sunshine, laughter, joy and fun at the moment.

Back to the weekend, I thought about it and perhaps a break from everyone is what I needed this weekend. The only thing is that I might have rested too much. Strange but true, but, if I sleep too much in a day I find that I feel lethargic the rest of the day so that could be the reason I still feel tired. There are weekends when I hardly see my bed and I swear I can almost hear it calling out for to get home and dive under the duvet. I’m going to stop doing that for a while; I’ll take stock, recharge my batteries and come back all guns blazing this summer. Yeap, that sounds like a plan.

I’m about to close another romantic chapter in my life. It was good while it lasted but I see no future in it. I’m not going to rant about it now, but you might get snippets as to why in future posts. The end.

This made me giggle

2008-04-10T13:32:00.002+01:00

young couple wanted to join the church, the pastor told them, 'We have a Special requirement for new member couples. You must abstain from sex for one whole month.'

The couple agreed, but after two-and-a-half weeks returned to the Church.

When the Pastor ushered them into his office, the wife was crying and the husband was obviously very depressed.

'You are back so soon... Is there a problem?' the pastor inquired.

'We are terribly ashamed to admit that we did not manage to abstain from sex for the required month.' The young man replied sadly.

The pastor asked him what happened.

'Well, the first week was difficult... However, we managed to abstain through sheer willpower. The second week was terrible, but with the use of prayer, we managed to abstain. However, the third week was unbearable. We tried cold showers, Prayer, reading from the Bible...anything to keep our minds off Carnal Thoughts.

One afternoon my wife reached for a can of paint and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and I just had my way with her right then and there. It was lustful, loud, passionate sex. It lasted for over an hour and when we were done we were both drenched in sweat,' admitted the man, shamefacedly.

The pastor lowered his head and said sternly, 'You understand this means you will not be welcome in our church.'

'We know.' said the young man, hanging his head, 'We're not welcome at Homebase either.'

The Flathunt

2008-04-09T14:55:00.002+01:00

I was planning a really nice entry today but that's all been ruined by the bastard below. All the joy, happiness, niceness and good feeling I had yesterday have all but vanished into the polluted air I continually breathe.

I got a call from my landlord yesterday. He’s decided to increase the rent on my flat by 25% a month. I’m not happy about it so I’ll be on the move again come the end of May. I simply refuse to give up more than a third of my earnings to a greedy landlord. It’s such a shame because I love where I live. It’s really quiet yet not mumsy, the amenities are literally 5 minutes from my door step and so is the tube and supermarkets. The only time I hear police sirens is when I’m on the high street. What more could a person want? This idiot must have thought I’d just accept his terms and cough up my not so hard earned cash. Please,...you all know I take the piss at work but that’s no reason for someone to feast on my not so hard earned cash. It’s mine, mine even if I don’t work hard enough for it.

I hate flat hunting; I find it really cumbersome and stressful. On top of it all I’m not sure whether I want to live alone again. I found it really lonely at times. I don’t need this right now, means I can’t plan anything else for the next 2 months because I’m going to be predominantly occupied with looking for another flat. The only thing I do know is that I’m going to stay in the same area. I also hate the routine you have to go through when meeting new flat mates. It’s almost like going for a job interview. FERK!! I’m not looking forward to the next couple of weeks.
Gosh, I hope to find a place where I can settle for at least 3 or 4 years.

Trainng, Parents and The Enclave

2008-04-07T16:54:00.001+01:00

I was on a work related course all of last week at the end of which we had to take a 3 hour exam. By end of it, I felt mentally drained and weak and I was pleased to make my way back to London. In fact the entire week was draining; there was simply too much information to take in over such a short period of time. To make matters worse, I was in crappy town Swindon. The hotel room and food weren’t that great either and couldn’t wait for the week to end. I’m not sure I’m going to pass the exam though; I couldn’t concentrate and most of the time I kept on ogling at the really gorgeous and posh Tim. I happened to catch him looking in my direction a couple of times. I once overheard him tell some of his friends that I was his type. Shame he’s been a relationship ever since I’ve known him. He’s boyfriend should count himself lucky, I’m over that stage where I used to steal other people’s men. Disgusting behaviour I know but I didn’t care at the time. It seemed a lot of fun too. Thank God I’ve grown up and taught myself manners along the way.

I spent the day at my parents on Saturday. When I turned up and they asked me if I was alright; they were surprised because it’s very rare for me to go and see them on a Saturday. I wake up on most Saturday mornings licking my wounds after the night before. I stayed in last Friday, so when I woke up I was as fresh as daisy, all smiles and full of energy. The day went really well actually, all three of us watched the Grand National which was quite fun. My mum even made a lunch usually reserved for Sundays. I left at around 7.00pm and headed home.

Just as I was leaving Michael rang me asking whether I fancied a drink. I had no plans so I said I’d meet him at his in Highgate. Michael’s just returned from SA and Namibia; I’m really pleased because I missed him while he was away. He looks like a nicely baked cookie with his tan. He missed Soho while he was away so, on Saturday night he invited me to go along to The Enclave for this night they’ll be holding called x:periment. His lovely Dutch hairdresser Vincent told him that it was good fun so we went along. Vincent also kindly arranged for us to be on the guest list which was nice. He’s also good friends with the DJ Helene Di Firenzi. The evening was fun just like Vincent said. Everyone seemed to know everyone; probably because we were all linked by Facebook. It was nice to see everyone and anyone talking to each other. I had a really good boogie. There was a camera crew that seemed to hover around me. God only knows where the footage will end up. I’d like to see it either way. I also bumped into Esther’s cousin who was there with his boyfriend. It’s been ages since I saw someone that excited to see me. He covered me in hugs and kisses for almost 15mins. Since I met the boyfriend he’s always made eyes at me. I don’t reciprocate- not my type plus his boyfriend is a cousin to one of my best friends and in fact she’s almost like family –there fore it’s a no go area. The boyfriend kept on making eyes at me I had to ask Michael to rescue me. I kind of ignored him for the rest of the evening. We left at 3.00am when it finished; I was also quite tired and looked forward to my bed.

I had a lovely lie in on Sunday and did nothing all day.

Torture

2008-03-28T17:47:00.003Z

It's absolute FUCKING torture working with an extremely hot straight guy sitting next me. He constantly flirts with me which makes it even worse. The end.

The Razz, loving nights and the Recovery

2008-03-26T15:24:00.002Z

It’s Wednesday afternoon and I’m still really knackered after the long weekend. I really must be getting old. Does getting old mean getting tired easily? No, I refuse to accept that statement. I want to grow old disgracefully and wild. I also want to grow old still and be able to swing off chandeliers and dance on tables. Makes me wonder whether I’m loosing my stamina; my challenge is to look into ways of improving it. I can’t stop doing the things I love due to the fact I’ll spend the entire week recovering. It’s not going to happen and I won’t allow it.

I was meant to go to Gravity at Fire last Thursday. I being sometimes a ditzy boy forgot that there are two entrances to Fire on a Thursday. I ended up in bloody Rude Boys. The rest of the gang were on the other side of the club so I had to leave and go round the back to meet them in the other room. I couldn’t resist but take a wonder around the club before I left.

Rude boys was an experience all together. It’s meant to be a ‘chav’ night; they had a male stripper and a dark room. A lot of boys were wearing tracksuit bottoms and trainers (typical chavs – nothing new there). I wasn’t impressed with the arrangement personally. Never been into strippers so when this one came on I went to the bar to get some water. I came back just as the stripper was about to finish and guess what? This guy had the strippers cock in his mouth – each to their own. Personally not for me; like I always say, public displays of erotica aren’t for me.

Then I ventured into the dark room. I can’t compare it to anywhere I’ve been. The place was incredibly packed. All the guys in there looked like refugees about to be fed or hungry dogs. You could not move in there. It took me about 15mins to fight my way out. The guys looked a bit unwashed, I imagine they came straight from work and ended up in the club. I really hope they carry/used protection before they engaged in whatever business they were about to. I don’t like the way the felt they could just maul my bottom but I can’t blame them I suppose they assumed I was in there for the same reason as them. I’ve never been able to understand people that get excited over sex that way like it’s going out of fashion. That was my cue to leave; I wasn’t having any fun here anyway. I left and went to meet the gang for proper raucous fun which indeed it was.

I had a really really lovely Good Friday. I spent the afternoon and all evening and night with AN. We ate, laughed, drank and danced - to mention but a few. It was lovely; really lovely and I want more days like that with him. The end.

I took AN to meet my friends in Marlow, Bucks. They’ve been really keen to meet him so I took him. I felt more comfortable taking him there because the guys in Marlow are more like him. They’re one of the most absolutely wild, crazy and fun bunch of straight people I’ve ever known. He got on really well with them. We stayed in Marlow till around 11.00pm then headed back to London for Café de Paris. It was another blinding night. I love the décor in this club. I should go there more often.

Due to my nights out on the razz, I wasn’t able to make it to my parents. So I decided to stay in with AN and catch up on some sleep. My parents weren’t impressed. They’d been expecting me so mum left a stroppy message on my phone again. I did manage to go and see her on Monday which made things better. I’m looking forward to the next bank holiday already.

Two Stories

2008-03-20T14:10:00.003Z

Mr Cadbury and Miss Rowntree

Mr Cadbury and Miss Rowntree met on a Double Decker, it was After Eight. She was from Quality Street; he was a Fisherman's Friend. On the way they stopped at a Yorkie Bar, he had a Rum and Butter, she had a Wine Gum. He asked her name, "Polo, I'm the one with the hole" she said. "I'm the one with the nuts," he thought! Then he touched her Milky Way.

They checked in to a hotel, and went straight to the bedroom. Mr Cadbury turned out the light for a bit of Black Magic. It wasn't long before he slipped his hand into her Snickers and felt her Cream Egg. He fondled her Flap Jacks then he showed her his Curly Wurly and Tic Tacs. Miss Rowntree wasn't keen to have any Jelly Babies, so she let him take a trip down Bourneville Boulevard via her Party Ring. He was pleased as he always fancied a bit of Fudge. It was a magic moment as she let out a scream of Turkish Delight. When he pulled out, his fun size Mars Bar felt a bit Crunchie. She wanted more, but he needed Time Out, however, he noticed her Pink Wafers looked very appetizing. He did a Twirl, had a Picnic in her Sherbet Dip and finished off by giving her a Gob Stopper!

Unfortunately, Mr Cadbury then had to go home to his wife, Caramel. Sadly, he was soon to discover he had VD. It turned out Miss Rowntree had been with Allsorts!!!

The Midget

Every day, a male co-worker walked up very close to a lady standing at the coffee machine, inhaled a big breath of air and told her that her hair smelt nice. After a week of this, she couldn’t stand it anymore, took her complaint to a supervisor in the personnel department and stated that she wanted to write a sexual harassment grievance against him. The Human Resources supervisor was puzzled by this decision and asked, "What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?" The woman replied, "it’s Keith, the midget."

Lust and inquisitive friends

2008-03-18T16:08:00.004Z

My mind’s still in the gutter and I can’t concentrate. I won’t put it down to seeing Mark again the other weekend. I think I’m just overly randy at the moment. It’s painful sitting on the underground at the moment, I find that I have no where to look; there seems to be a man’s crouch in every direction I look. What to do; what to do? I feel like such a perv. I think I’ll start taking the bus home instead then all I’ll have facing is me is the back of another person’s head (won’t really matter if it’s male or female then will it?). Just thought of a better idea – reading; I’ve got a few books to catch up on. There, problem solved. The end.

On another note, I was in the top ten of the internet users list at work during Feb. It’s going to look a bit hypocritical since I’m one of the internet police team members in the organisation. My boss is aware though and seems fine about it. She’s been on the list before. I feel like a naughty boy who’s been caught with his hands in the cookie jar. The good thing is that none of the sites I visited were incriminating. Thank you Guardian Jobs.

Last Saturday was not as exciting as I’d hoped. My friend had arranged a dinner party for some of her closest friends from uni. This stems from when the 6 of us agreed that we’d meet at least 3 times a year. I got there early enough having been bored stiff by my brief stint in the library on Saturday afternoon.

I regretted turning up 30mins after arriving. Why? I appeared to be the only singleton in the room. 3 of my friends are in relationships and the other 2 are married with 2 kids each who they brought along. There was a lot of racket from the kids which made me irritated. Then there was question after question about my love life – “are you still seeing the Irish guy?”, “why did you not bring him?” and “oh what a shame, you made such a lovely couple.” (V.A!!! = very annoying - for those that don’t use the abbreviation). Me and GS broke up because it wasn’t working. Making a lovely couple or looking good together has nothing to do with it.

Being the only fairy in the group didn’t help much either, there seemed to be this greatly amplified interest in my life which I found somewhat annoying. My friends are used to me so they didn’t bother me much. It’s their partners I found rather irritating by the way they kept prodding me with their damn questions. I wonder what it would have been like if I had taken AN with me. He was a bit nervous about meeting my old friends so he decided not to come. On the other hand I think it was wise of him not to come along, the poor love would have been more than prodded – more like stabbed by the questions and would probably looked like shredded lettuce by the end of the evening.

Apart from the prodding questions and the curiosity about poofy life, the evening went really well. This is probably due to the fact that I avoided my friends’ partners for the rest of the evening. I was of course really careful about appearing rude or manner less.

Not looking forward to this weekend. I’m supposed to be spending it at my parents. Things are a little strained at the moment between me and my dear mother. Reason being that I feel she needs to give me a little space to live my life. She doesn’t agree so we often end up arguing and not speaking for a couple of weeks. It’s been 2 weeks now. We’ll of course make up and everything will be fine and dandy, then she’ll probably ring me shouting about why she’s not heard from me in over a week; which will piss me off and I won’t feel like speaking to her for another 2. We go round and round in circles like this. It’s what I call the joys of being an only child.

The Library

2008-03-15T15:40:00.002Z

I woke up this morning dreaming of doing something exciting so I thought it would be nice to head off to the library. I got here at around 2pm and the place is packed. I think I’m missing out on something. There’s not a single free seat in sight. Feels like everyone’s reading up on schemes to take over the world or build a hut on Mars. I’m glad my student days are over. I don’t actually remember ever spending a Saturday in the library even as a student. It was one of those things I refused to do and still managed to get a good degree. Besides, there was always something more fun to do. It’s too quiet. I hate silence; it freaks me out a little. That’s not to say I love noise, in fact it irritates me just as much a silence. I’m finishing this entry then I’m going to get the books I need then head home. I have exciting plans for this evening, which I need to prepare for.

Adios and enjoy the rest of your weekend.

Crystal and a New Closet

2008-03-13T12:19:00.000Z

I had another interesting weekend; I needed another form of therapy after doing some serious damage to my finances during the week. I did lots of lots of shopping like I said was going to. Come Friday, I finished work early and went to meet a couple of my work colleagues for birthday drinks in St James’s. I didn’t stay long; I hadn’t planned on doing that anyway. Got home and watched crappy Friday night telly and went to bed early. I was saving my energy for Saturday.

I got up tidied up then went to meet my friend Alpha for lunch at his new place. Place is rather the wrong word to use. Alpha’s renting a room from an ex-banker in his late 50s who lives alone in this monstrously huge house in Barnes – 7 bedrooms to be precise. The house used to be a vicarage and is within the church grounds. There’s no graveyard in the vicinity which made me feel more at ease (I hate graveyards by the way). It’s a lovely house but there’s something rather eerie or seedy (still can’t decide on either word). I found the man a little strange as well. For example, whilst we were getting ready to go out. The man came and joined us; he sat there and watched us in his boxers and vest. Perhaps he just wanted some company but it made me a little paranoid. I feel like I’m over analysing things. It’s probably because I’m not used to seeing middle aged men I don’t know hanging out with me in their underwear. I met the house cleaner as well, he reminded me of the maid from the original version of the Bird Cage. Quite hilarious talking to him and his name is Garfield.

We left at around 11 to go out and meet the rest of. We got to this relatively new club called Crystal in Marylebone. It’s supposed to be quite exclusive and posh but quite frankly I’ve been to better places e.g. Tramps in Piccadilly or The Portman Club in Marylebone. The only thing that made it worthwhile was getting there and suddenly meeting most of the people I hang out with. I liked the fact that you can dance on the tables and chairs without much concern from the staff there. There were about 5 of my friends with another 10 or 12 people who I happen to know. We formed a little group and had lots of fun.

One of my old friends Karen was there as well. She introduced me to her new BF. Never in my life has a girlfriend introduced me to their new beau only to realise I’d had them. I’m still debating on whether to tell her or not. The good thing is that they never met 3 years ago when I was briefly seeing him. I was really lost for words when I recognised who it was I was being introduced to. One suddenly realises it’s such a small world when your girlfriend starts dating someone you had a thing with 3 years ago. Not to beat about the bush – Mark is used to be gay and is now straight. He told me that he suddenly realised men were not for him. I’m not going to start talking about gay men turning straight. People are individuals who are affected by experiences in life differently. All I can say is each to their own. I’m not going to sit here and judge people I’m far from perfect. The one thing I noticed was how ravishing this boy looks. He’s bulked up quite nicely over the past couple of years. I had my mind in the gutter all evening. I still do actually – no wonder I can’t concentrate at work.

Shame, Shopping and Travel

2008-03-05T15:31:00.015Z

I feel pretty effed off and embarrassed about my behaviour this morning. I saw Paul (annoying guy from Fire) and run for cover. I was about to catch my train this morning and he was slightly ahead of me about to get into the same carriage as me. I ducked for cover behind a pillar and run down nearly half the length of the train to get into another carriage. I feel ashamed of my self but I was in no mood to be bored by politics on my way into work. Whilst I keep up to date with the US presidential campaign, I just can not be arsed to listen to people talk about it on the way to work. I think I know why the hiding bothered me. If it was some I remotely fancied, I’m sure I’d have made every darned effort to make sure I talk to them. It’s not a nice thing to do but I’m sure a lot of the people I know do it.

I’m going to treat myself to this month. I’m done paying my bills, not planning on going out much this month. So I think I’ll indulge in some retail therapy. I love shoes!! I think the silver ones are just dynamite!

I got an email from an old friend from university the other day who’s decided to move to South America – Uruguay to be exact. I’m jealous of people that can just up and go off loitering around the world. I had too many responsibilities immediately after graduating so I never had the chance to go travelling like some of my friends did. I increasingly find that I’m getting the urge to just drop everything and go. Where to? I have no idea but I definitely won’t be doing South Asia, Australia etc. I quite like the idea of the South Pacific Islands. The cheaper option would be to go see some of my

Another weekend

2008-03-04T16:06:00.005Z

Nothing much happens during the week for me these days. It’s not that stuff isn’t happening around me; I just choose to stay in during the week and leave all the drama take place at the weekend. I’m enjoying spending my weekdays at work and home with a clear head. I find that I’m more alert and get a lot more done. This has been going on over the past 6 months or so. I think I was beginning to go off the rails a bit so I decided to reign myself in a little.

I had a nice evening last Friday. As usual, I met with the battalion. We’d all agreed we were not going to spend our Friday night in the Village. We’re all bored of looking at the same faces most of the times we go out. So we decided to go to the King William IV in Hampstead. I’d never been before so I was keen to try somewhere different. Me and MT got there early so we decided to get something to eat. Not sure this was a good idea cause the food made MT quite lethargic and sleepy (he gets like that all the bloody time!) he wanted to go home after about an hour. He did in fact decide he was going home and left at 10pm. Luckily enough everybody (including AN) had turned up by this time. Alpha brought his ex-gf – who also happens to loath me for some reason. We met in Old Street briefly last year and she (the dappy sow) instantly disliked me even before I‘d said hello. I later heard that she thought I looked gay. Well, I was in a civil mood last Friday so I thought it would be nice to accommodate the stone faced bitch.

We stayed for another hour. No one seemed in the mood to go home so I suggested we head to Fire. Everyone agreed that this was a good idea since most of hadn’t been for 3 months. We jumped in a taxi and headed off to grimy Vauxhall. Fire never disappoints me. I had really good boogie which I seriously needed. It felt like I was releasing some pressure. It was good all in all. I met an ex T4 presenter who happened to be really wrecked. His eyes were rolling back all the time. I also met this posh boy that happens to live on my street. He seems to have a few issues that rather left a bad taste in my mouth. For instance he’d been having secret escapades with guys whilst his gf/fiancé’s at home. He defiantly denied and got rather offended when I asked him whether he was possibly Bi. I’m no one to judge so I humoured him. I invited him to hang out with us for the rest of the night since was in Fire alone. He also looked at bit sad standing on his own in the smoking shed. It was alright until this Paul started to get Political with AN. How people feel the need to have political debates in a night club is beyond. He was also starting to get quite aggressive. AN was not amused so he told me to get rid of him. We managed to loose him at some point only to meet him on the train home. We got off one stop before ours and made excuses about going to get some food. I’m sure I’ll bump into him sooner or later since we live on the same street. Gosh, I always seem to attract these randoms. Must be my kind face.

The Weekend

2008-02-26T16:37:00.001Z

It was quite the fun weekend I hoped for. I made plans to go for a lunch date with AN so I’d be free in the evening to meet up with the boys in the village. It was quite a lovely date. I’m surprised I didn’t get tongue tied like I normally would in such situations. The whole event seemed to flow naturally and comfortably. There were no naughty antics so nothing to report.

After my date, I went home for a quick shower and change of clothes and off I went to meet the boys. MT was almost an hour late. He had a valid excuse though his flatmate + partner had just returned from South Africa. I’m looking forward to seeing his flatmate’s partner. He is Polish and had never been to Africa before. He did the whole safari thing which I’m sure he loved having never seen Africa’s wild animals in their natural habitat. From what MT tells me he saw each and every four legged animal in Africa. The only animals he never got to see were snakes. I don’t think he missed much. Snakes are overrated bastards and I hate them. I particularly dislike their smirky faces.

Saturday was actually nice I didn’t over do it which I’m quite happy about. Went to Geisha on Charing Cross road. It’s been open for a few months now but I’d never been. I thought the place lacked atmosphere so we left and went to the Box. We ended up in Heaven. I’ve never really been a fan but I took MT because he’d never been. He was amazed by the size of the club. Heaven was ok I guess we didn’t stay late either. MT got tired and we left at around 3.00am.

I took the night bus home. I haven’t done that in ages. The last time I was on a night bus a gang of yobos attacked a middle aged man because he’d reported them to the police for shoplifting. They literally dragged him off the bus, threw him onto the pavement and started kicking him in the head. Me and a few other passengers got off the bus to stop the bastard kids. I was shocked at how young these bastard kids were. I’d say the oldest looked 15 at most. Makes one wonder what sort of parents lets their kids roam the streets at 2.00am. The gormless looking bus driver was not very helpful either. He just let the kids run riot on the bus. I had to call the ambulance and the police. Luckily this all took place near a large hospital so the ambulance arrived within 3 minutes. What’s the world coming to?

My trip on the bus was uneventful. Possibly due to the fact the bus goes through the safe parts of West London. A young guy did ask me for a cigarette whilst I was waiting for the bus, I gave him one then he kissed me on the lips much to the amusement of other people at the bus stop. The journey was alright took about 10 mins and I saved myself £15 in cab fares

Mischief

2008-02-22T16:38:00.005Z

I’ve been in a silly mischievous mood all week. I feel like a naughty little boy for some reason. Though it’s been quite hectic at work, I’ve been giddy and giggly. I’ve had some serious laughs at work all week and it’s been nice until today when I sort of had a mini-argument with one of the managers. I was scanning a newspaper whilst waiting for my pc to boot. He came to my desk and told me to stop reading a newspaper at work and that I should put it in my bag. I of course refused and I told him that if he had any issues with that he should raise them with my line manager. I wouldn’t have minded if I’d spent the entire morning reading the paper but I hadn’t. I was simply scanning it. Secondly, this neurotic twat has no authority over me so he can get lost. I have support from the director anyway.

I’m craving a good piss up this weekend. The Viking is around; he again rang me at 6.00am to let me know that he was here. I think he finds it funny to ring me at odd hours of the day. I’ll get him back when we meet later. He owes me a drink. I hope he’s alright, lately, he’s been coming down London whenever he gets stressed in Sweden. Good thing he can afford to come down every other week almost.

I have a date tomorrow – meeting AN from last Saturday. I hope it goes OK. There are times when I’ve found to people to be completely different from when I met them the first time. I usually blame it on the booze or something else.

A random picture that made me laugh:

I want to go and see 'tough time, Nice time'. I’ve not been to the theatre in bloody ages. The last play I went to see was ‘Twisted’ at Oval house last May. I’ll book some tickets next week it’s showing until the middle of April. MT wants to see it before he flies off to Namibia on the 14th.

Have a stupendous, delicious and delectable weekend.

Instructions for Cleaning the toilet.

2008-02-20T16:01:00.005Z

1. Lift the lid on the toilet and fill it with 1/8 cup of animal shampoo.

2. Take the cat in your arms and stroke it gently while slowly moving in the direction of the toilet.

3. At a suitable moment, throw the cat into the toilet bowl and close the lid quickly then either stand or sit on the lid.

4. The cat will now start the cleaning process and will produce plenty of foam. Do not be concerned about the loud noises coming from the toilet; your cat is enjoying himself.

5. After several minutes flush the toilet to start the ‘Power Wash’, pre wash and then flush again for the main wash cycle.

6. Ask someone to open the front door and ensure that no-one is between the toilet and the front door.

7. Get off the toilet seat and from a safe distance open the toilet lid quickly. The cat will dry off naturally due to the high speed he will be moving from the toilet to the front door.

8. The toilet and as a bonus, the cat will now both be clean.

With best wishes
The Dog

And here are the photographs:-

THE CAT

THE DOG

Random Nutterings

2008-02-19T13:36:00.004Z

I woke up on the wrong side of bed so I was in a mood this morning. I got to work and trawled through folders on my PC where I store snippets of stuff that has made laugh in the past. I found this. I’m I the only one that finds it amusing?

=======================

I shouldn’t moan about this but I find that I’m increasingly getting hit on by younger guys (18-24). They probably assume I’m the same age as them. I have a baby face and look about 22 (I’m turning 30 this year). I should really be thankful because I don’t look bedraggled and dishevelled. All those years I spent caning the party circuit are yet to show up on my face – Thank you Jesus! What a shame I prefer going out with guys around my own age or slightly older. I know to most it wouldn’t be a problem but I seem to have this mental block where I never give these boys a chance. Makes me wonder whether I’m limiting or restricting my chances in the long run. I use the at least -5 or +5 or somewhere in between rule. There was an exception with GS of course he is 8 years older but he just slipped through the net. I suppose on the one hand I expect to go out with someone more grounded and stable. I can’t be dealing with young student boyfriends; I think I’ve moved on from that. Good God! I just realised I’m starting to take myself too seriously. Eek!!

Anyways something nice to look forward to this week.

=====================

I think Tigerlillies are just so beautiful!

Oh shoot! My head is all messy now.

2008-02-18T15:45:00.000Z

I’m sure whether it is just me, but, each time the sun’s out I’m always in a good mood and my spirit feels lifted. The sun was out this weekend and it still is. I hadn’t planned on going out on Friday so I didn’t. I had a really sober relaxing Friday, I watched some telly, had a really long bath (must have been in the bath for nearly two hours). I don’t want to think about how much water I wasted. I got out of the bath, watched Alan Carr’s Celebrity Ding Ding, and followed by a really nice Spanish film called Bear Cub. I really love world cinema, I can’t even begin to name the number of films I have seen. But Bear Cub is worth seeing. The only thing is that the sex scenes were a bit full on but they are justified by the fact that there aren’t that many and the comical one-liners throughout the film. I actually really liked it.

I got up quite early on Saturday. I did the usual house work i.e. cleaning every nuke and cranny in the flat. I made myself a really nice breakfast then did some laundry. I faffed around the house, felt like I was doing something but come the end of there were no results to show for it. I got a call from Alpha; he was inviting me to his for lunch. Alpha (much as I love him) is so long winded it amazes me. He wanted to go out for lunch but the same time he wanted to go ice skating in Canary Wharf with his cousins. This of course would have meant meeting at around 5 for lunch. I told him to skip the lunch but we could make arrangements for dinner. We agreed to meet at five. It came as no surprise to me when he turned up late again – 1 hour to be precise. I was miffed and the cold wasn’t helping the situation either. Yes I could have gone into a bar and waited for him but I’m one of those people that feel really uncomfortable sitting alone in a bar. More power to those that can because I have never had the courage. Anyway he turned up in the end, I moaned at him but I didn’t really make a big issue about his lateness – I know exactly when to get him back. We decided to pop into Rupert St for a few since we hadn’t been all year. We got in and started to look for somewhere to sit – I’m one of those people that have to sit when drinking. Suddenly I heard someone call my name. I turned around and guess who? Bloody Silas!! He is the last person I expected or wanted to bump into. It’s been six months since we had any contact and I’d rather it remain that way. Anyway, since I’m very polite I decided to be civil towards him. He was keen on us joining him and his new ‘friends’ from Qatar. Silas is the same person. He told me he’d been out partying 3 days in a row and hadn’t been home – such a caner. We hang out and it was quite pleasant and his new friends were quite fun. We decided that we’d go to Fire but somehow ended up going to heaven. I have never really enjoyed Heaven so this night was no different. I had a bit of dance with Alpha the other guys disappeared off for about 30 mins. Alpha also disappeared off to the toilet so I was left all alone but I told to me to meet me at the bench when he was done.

Off Alpha went, I went to get some water then went and sat down. There I was minding my own business when this lovely person came and sat next to me – a Geordie to be exact, same height and build. He started talking to me, I talked back as one does and we chatted for ages. We had a dance together during which Alpha came and joined us. I have to say he is the most touchy feely person I’ve come across in bloody ages – not that I’m complaining. I think I was enjoying it too much i.e. him having his arms around me, holding hands and sneaky snogs here and there. We exchanged phone numbers and we’re supposed to meet and go out on a proper date. There’s just a little problem; I’ve just started seeing RB – who I also really like. RB is wonderful, we get on really well, things are alright, our friends get on really well and we’re good friends – something I consider really important. All of a sudden a stranger comes along and messes up my head. Why oh why? I feel like shit for doing what I did but at the same time it felt like the most natural thing to do. I’m confused but I won’t make any rushed decisions because of this. I’ve decided to have my cake and eat it. I haven’t had any cake in a while anyway. I’ve been in this place twice before, whatever happens I’ll try and follow my heart. I’m doing things properly this time regardless of the fact that there is more than one person involved. I have to look out for my best interests – I think that’s the way to look at it.

Bloody Feb!

2008-02-13T14:58:00.001Z

I’m having a shitty month hence no posts. My world’s not collapsing it’s just that things that should have happened this month didn’t happen. This week isn’t any better. I received some news that kind of made things worse. I went home on Tuesday and dived under my duvet in misery. Never mind, I’ll simply dust myself off and try again. I’m in such a mood at the moment; it’s affecting my social life as well. For instance, I went out with RB about 2 weeks ago for drinks and he left early. He was pissed off by the fact that I seemed to be absent minded and I wouldn’t tell him why. We’ve course made up since then but I still haven’t told him what’s bothering me. I haven’t seen my battalion in ages; I keep getting calls and texts from them wondering where I am. They’re going to have to wait till next month. I need time off from everything to regroup my thoughts and devise a new strategy for a way forward. At least the sun's out; this always lifts my spirits.

GS was in town for a week. I am a bit annoyed that he made no contact. He told me when he’d gone back to Ireland; the point of which I didn’t really understand. Anyway it would have been nice to catch up with him as I haven’t seen him properly since we parted company last year.

I missed MK’s birthday last Friday. He really is going to kill me. I had good reasons though; I was in the middle of moving offices and I was simply too tired to go anywhere when I finished work last Friday. I also had to go in on Saturday and supervise the move of other confidential documents. I’d informed him of this so I’m sure he’ll understand. I don’t think I’ve recovered from the move. I’m still tired the only positive thing is that we are in a wonderful Gothic building close to the west end of London and I can get the bus home so no sweaty tube in the summer.

Thinking about the future

2008-01-30T15:08:00.000Z

I turn 30 in August – FERK!!! Should I be happy I’m still alive or depressed because I’m getting older? Why are some people like me, I wouldn’t say afraid but wary about the future and getting old? I think it’s all this uncertainty. I’ve been looking for a new job for ages. The current prediction that there will be a recession in the near future puts a damper on my job hunt. I’m frightened that I’ll find a job and be made redundant soon after. To be quite honest I don’t even know what I want to do next. I suppose it’s good I’ve come to realise this earlier rather than later. Sometimes I wish I was like one of kids who knew what they wanted to do at the age 2 (ok, that’s rather an exaggeration but you know what I mean). Maybe I should pack my bags and go and live on an island somewhere in the pacific. The idea seems quite appealing i.e. a back to basics simple life living amongst the natives.

As I write this, I’m sat in an office near the Brighton seafront. It’s lovely and sunny although cold. I've got a really strong urge to run outside and meander around the city like a lost soul. Shame this won’t happening this evening, I have a train to catch back to London around 4.00pm. When it gets warmer I’ll organise a weekender for me and the others.

I just realised I haven’t spoken to my half-sister for ages. We used to get on like a house on fire. In fact Sundays we dedicated to being our days. We’d hang, go for lunch and then have a cocktail or two later. We stopped doing that when she got with her new man. She seems to have gone all serious and religious. He of course is a dedicated Christian (I imagine he’s one of those shoutie ones). She got more into religion when they met. I hope she’s happy.

God, it’s so sunny and nice on the south coast. The sun appears s brighter here than in London. Must be due to the fact that there are less buildings blocking out the sunlight.

In The Dog house,...

2008-01-22T13:49:00.000Z

I had one of those episodes where one gets terribly excited about something which later does not come to fruit. I was really excited about going out for a good boogie. I had every intension of shaking my tooshie on Friday night till the cows came home. I got home, made some dinner, started watching TV and 30mins later I dosed off. I don’t know why this was because I’m almost 100% certain this never happens. I must have been really tired. I meant to wake up at around 11.00pm then go out but I forgot to set my alarm so I woke up 1.00am. By this time I was in no mood to go out. Needless to say the battalion is not impressed so I have to make it up to them. I had 18 missed calls when I woke up. Funny the boys all suspect that I was up to no good with someone – NOT the case; in fact I wish. I was simply fast asleep – I know it’s hard to believe. Alpha is least impressed by the whole event. By the way I know you’re going to read this Alpha. This is revenge for all the times you’ve been late and kept me (us) waiting sometimes for up to an hour. So please, enough with the moaning. You of all people should understand.

I met Esther's BF for the first time over the weekend; to put it simply, the boy is delicious. Esther you lucky smitten bitch!! I'm so jealous!!

The Weekend Ahead,...

2008-01-18T13:24:00.000Z

I've not been out in ages; I blame the weather. This is obvious though isn't it? I been moaning about the bloody weather in almost every other entry I've made this month. I hope not to do so again. I'm getting bored of moaning. They predicted rain this weekend. I refuse to let that stop me going out tomorrow. Me, E, M and made plans to go out tomorrow and I'm quite excited about it. It will be the first time I''ll meet E's new man. She's quite nervous about it- not sure why. M's bringing his latest squeeze as well. The more the merrier as some put it. I hope we go out and have a damn good boogie. I haven't had a good dance in bloody ages. I think the last time I had a proper dance was Christmas eve when we went to Fire. My R is will be coming as well. Woohoo!!! God, he really excites me everytime I see him! I always have this stupid grin on my face. Embarassing or what? He's caught me looking at him with this grin a couple of times. I really hope I end up somewhere in the longrun with this one. Some one needs to remind me to take things slowly, I sometimes get drawn in too quicky - it's one of my flaws. I can't help it. I'm not going to talk about me and him. I'm too scared to jinx the situation. I'm smiling even as I write this. Anyways I'll keep you updated.

Oh this blasted weather!

2008-01-15T14:40:00.000Z

Again, it’s miserable i.e. windy and rainy but surprisingly mild outside. I suppose it beats being really cold. Please Lord; let’s have a nice hot summer. Not like last year’s complete washout.

==============

M joined Datingdirect. I, on the hand, am a bit apprehensive about dating sites. They’ve never born any ripe fruit. Someone said the reason is due to the fact that I’m brutally honest about myself. They suggested I bend the truth a little. I refused and still refuse to. But a couple of weeks ago I joined parship. It’s not like any other dating site I’ve seen. The site makes you do a personality test first before allowing you join. Then gives you the best matches according to the answers you give in the test. It’s been quite good so far. There’s been lots of interest considering I haven’t posted a picture of my lovely face onto the site. I’ve had icebreakers, contact requests and loads of messages. One snag though – you have to pay to read them. There’s no way I’m coughing up £36 a month for the privilege to read a few messages from potential admirers. They can shove my messages where they want. I believe these things should be free so I’m going back to the traditional methods of dating. Anyway, I don’t think online dating works most times. Most relationships I know that begun online seem to have ended in disaster for some reason. It actually makes me wonder why. And for that reason I’m out!

===============

I forgot to mention, me and M never got to that party at Shadow lounge. M had the flu and I was still feeling under the weather. I got a bit pissed off when I walked past the Shadow Lounge and saw how beautifully the place was being done up. It looked amazing. I briskly walked past got on the tube home and had a nice cup of cocoa before going to bed. M was a bit reluctant to go in first place; it was a 1920/30s themed which he found off putting. I agreed with him on that point. Maybe next year,...

===============

I spoke to an old school friend of mine last night. He wants to organise a 'lads' holiday. Well, the lads happen to all be straight. Which is not a problem since the majority of people I know happen to be that. I have these continuous nightmares of being on holiday with a bunch of guys with no other interest apart from chasing girls and getting completely trolloyed beyond oblivion. I think I've moved on beyond that. A couple of years ago I would not have minded but you couldn't catch me going on a 'lads' holiday in a month of Sundays. Especially if the lads are planning to go Magaluf. There's simply no blasted way I'm spending any minute of my summer in Magaluf. Never been and never will be going there!

What is my world coming to?

2008-01-12T16:11:00.000Z

I ask that because I'm sat in the office at 4.00pm on a Saturday afternoon. I wasn't even asked to come into work. No one in my organisation works at weekends. The place is deserted - no surprises there. It's all very still, eery and feels like a grave yard. I have never been a fan of graveyards. I don't care what people say. I've been here for 4 hours already. I think I'll leave in the next hour or so. I've done what I needed to do anyway.

I had it really rough last week. I had a double combination of both a cold and the bastard of bastards the Norovirus. I won't even give you all the details. It was just so painful but comical at the same time. I found myself laughing sometimes because when I went to the loo I was never sure whether to sit or kneel infront of it. Then there was the fever, the blocked nose and other symptoms related to having a cold. Bloody organisms those viruses are! Bloody Bastards! I'm fine now, looking forward to next week packed full of work and loitering up and down England.

Following on from the last entry: There will be no drama ahead. It all just fizzled out to a boring end. Chicago M dumped my M (this is after two weeks of seeing each other). He said the age gap was an issue with him. Here's my advice to him. Go find yourself a bloody pensioner you pigeon chested fool! Stop wasting other people's time. You knew my M's age when you got with him. All you wanted was a bit of nookie. Bloody time waster and coward!

OK nuff said. As you can see I'm very loyal to my friends. Anyway English M is on the scene. Seems like a bad boy to me. I've warned M about it. We'll see.

I feel like tequila! I'm off - Ciao.

There may or may not be drama ahead,...

2008-01-04T10:53:00.000Z

M rang me at work yesterday. The new M (this is the one that snogged my M New Yrs) had rang him just to say what was up. He was also calling to let him know that he’d lost his keys the same night and broken into his apartment by breaking the window. Needles to say, he cut himself and ended up in A&E. The new M wants to get with my M, but M is seeing another M so we’ll see. I kind of feel sorry for the new M’s BF – he was told what happened on New Year’s Eve and is not happy – no surprises there - I would be livid. To be honest I’m dreading to meet him in town as we always bump into each other and have mutual friends. Anyway, not my problem so I’m not obliged to deal with it.

My mother is on the war path with me. She’s not seen me in a week and is quite pissed off because I didn’t go to hers on New Years day. Oh, the joys of being an only child. This is probably not the right thing to say, but I sometimes feel a bit suffocated by her. Don’t get me wrong, I love her to bits but sometimes I feel like I want to live my own life and I’m not allowed to. For instance, if I’m going on holiday abroad – I get a lecture on how to be carefully as if I don’t know already. So, I never say when I’m going away. I just disappear off. I just wanted to go out and have fun with my friend on New Years Eve. I’d spent Christmas and Boxing Day with my parents after all. I’m I not allowed to do the things I want to do. Secondly, I can’t think of any reason why I should spend all my free time with my family. I feel like I have to get approval for everything I want to do and it is frustrating. I know my mother does it because I’m her pride and joy but my God, there must a limit. Here comes a stressful weekend.

Grey miserable weather - YAY!!

2008-01-03T13:15:00.000Z

The weather is cold (wind chill factor -10c), grey, windy and really crappy. It's not the cold I mind, it's the cloudiness and windiness that I find depressing. Before you say anything I'm not suffering from Seasonal Affected Disorder (SAD). It's supposed to snow today. I woke up all excited and nothing. Bloody TV networks got it wrong. In fact one newspaper got it so wrong they told the public to expect London to look like Iowa. I'm yet to see a snow flake droping to the ground from anywhere near my office window. They're normally quite visible especially on the 14th floor of a building. At least we've got the bloody rain to look forward to - nothing new there Brittania.

Did I mention I'm on strike at work. I wanted to take the rest of the week off but the cow that is my boss said no. I said 'fair enough'. So I came in and I'm yet to lift a finger, spent half morning doing research for other projects of interest. So there, she can come bite me.

Love is in the air. Everywhere I look around

2008-01-02T15:18:00.000Z

Happy New Year - supposedly. I still have my doubts. I don’t mean to sound like that old fart Victor Meldrew (God rest his soul). I take my words back. Happy New Year! I’m just pissed off with people that ruined what could have been a nice New Years Eve. You got disgustingly drunk too early then ruined it for the rest of that had to look after you (tossers). I don’t understand why you felt the need to get so hammered knowing it was going to be a long night. I haven’t talked about the part when you started fooling around with other people’s men (they know by the way). All I can say is that you’re not just sluts anymore you’re home-wreckers too. You made me go home at 2.00am - I had planned to stay out till 2.00pm New Years day. Nuff said.

Love is in the air. Everywhere I look around. Everyone’s at it. The Viking seems to be getting all the attention at the moment. E’s met someone who’s simply delicious looking, delightful and has nice manners. she’s understandably quite smitten. M’s at it again, he failed miserably to restrain his desire for the American. He seems to attract these soapy weirdoes who behave like they’ve been sexually starved for 12 yrs or more. I like to let the attraction grow first before letting someone maul me (especially If I'm hoping for something serious out of it). Otherwise the new method(sex first, get to know later works fine). What happened to the old kind of romance? Either way a lot of people seem to be at it – bonking like mad. I keep hearing it from every one of my friends. Perhaps this year will be filled with economic poverty and wealth in love. Who knows? I had a lovely New Year's Eve snog - it was really lovely - we'll see. I’ve not given up on love but I’m not going to go around shagging like I did last year. It's only been six months since my last break-up and I have other things to think about. Besides, the world will never run out of manginas!

God bless the Viking!!

2007-12-20T12:43:00.000Z

I’ve spent the last couple of days mooching around my flat thinking about how to progress with my venture. There are other people (very trusted of course) interested in the venture and think it’s very viable. So I’ve decided to seek advice from professionals. I have to use this holiday period wisely. I don’t assume or expect this organisation to be busy over this period but we’ll see. I’ll keep you posted.

Opportunities seem to be flying in from different angles at the moment. I’ve been tasked with a research project for a friend. It’s going to be paid so I’m putting my all into it. He’s considering opening a business here and has asked me to research and present a paper on the current state of the market. This is all thanks to the Viking. I know I’ve slated him in the past but that’s just because he’s emotionally weak and not for any other reason. He does have a good business brain and inspires me and he really does look out for me. I think I was right in when I said in the previous post that he wanted me to work for him. He kind of hinted that when I spoke to him last night. Oh, the highlight of the conversation was him inviting me to Milan. He wanted me to pack my bags and fly out today to meet his other business associates. I couldn’t unfortunately, I have a day job. I can’t just pack by bags and fly off. I wish I could and I get annoyed with the fact that I can’t. In the past week alone, the Viking has been to Paris, Munich, Vienna and Milan. He and the others will round off the trip with the weekend in Copenhagen. I’m mildly jealous but at the same time pleased about this research project. I was worried about spending my holidays lazing about but now I’m going to spend most of the holiday in the library. It’s worthwhile – I’m being paid for it. I think I’ll finish in time because I started writing yesterday.

The other challenge I have is to find two houses/flats for family friends that want to invest in properties here. I’m relishing the challenge. I did this before and found it really fun. I loved house hunting for other people and the best thing is they’re paying me for it. Yay yay yay!!! I’m going to be busy busy busy over the next couple of months. I can’t wait. I wish I’d started doing things like this at an earlier age. I think I would be in a far different place right now. And next year seems like it’s going to be very busy indeed. The Viking has other projects lined up and I’ll also be working on my projects. Is self-employment on the horizon? Let’s hope so.

Snipets from the weekend...

2007-12-17T12:27:00.000Z

Just something I noticed last Friday when me, M and A were in Bar Code in Vauxhall. M saw this guy who he thought was cute. Fair enough the guy was quite cute. Not in a dashingly handsome fashion but cute as in boyfriend material. Not that I have anything against handsome men, but none of us go for that pretty boy look in men. We tend to go for guys with rugged features, lovely warm smile and eyes that show a passion about life. Wit and a sense of fun are also very important. This boy seemed to tick some of the boxes. The number of boxes to tick is quite long and I can’t be arsed to write it down. I know it sounds a bit shallow but I think we developed this list thingy as a way of protecting ourselves. It’s a means of avoiding disappointment. M surprised all of us by plucking up the courage to talk to this guy. I’m the one that goes and starts conversations with random strangers usually. Possibly because I have a silly sense of humour and I seem to know when to turn on the charm at will. M and this guy (didn’t bother to find out his name because I didn’t think it was going anywhere personally) started talking. They went through the get to know you process i.e. small talk etc. Then a couple of minutes later the conversation seemed to dry down. M asked Mr Stranger why he was out by himself. The stranger then told M that he’d had an argument with his BF. My good instincts immediately told me that this dude was telling a pack of lies. And by this time, he was starting to appear more pissed (he’d only had a couple of pints as well). I went off to squeeze my lemon and when I got back, they were in a corner tongue wrestling. Now, what is up with that? I later asked this dude what he was doing snogging somebody else if he had a bf (I make it my business because M’s my friend – that’s in case you’re wondering). His simply responded that that was his way of getting back at his bf. What a load of old tosh! It’s not as if his BF was there to witness him tongue wrestle with one of my friends. I think the world is slowly filling with random pack of idiots if you ask me.Apart from all that, Friday was a good evening.

My Saturday was super-chilled. I’m not one to be put off going out by the cold but Saturday felt like I’d been plucked from the Sahara and dropped straight onto a glacier. I consequently run back into the house and hid under my lovely duvet for the entire day. I told anyone that wanted to see me to come down to my flat. Needless to say, no one turned up. I spent Sunday with my mum. My Step dad was in the pub watching football. All nice apart from having to wait bloody ages to get the bus to and from my mum’s. 40 minutes I had to wait. I should have taken a taxi from the station. In fact, I’ll do that next time.

I have a busy week – loads of application forms and CVs to send off. Yay!! I love filling out application forms – NOT!

On another note: Im due to attend a rock star’s publicist birthday party in Jan. I haven’t hobnobbed with the stars in a while. I used to meet stars randomly and often ended up in their homes and we had some great shindigs (nothing sexual - not my thing). That was 5 yrs ago. I had to put a stop to all of that. I didn’t think partying was a worthwhile career. Besides, my mother didn’t approve of my nocturnal lifestyle. I suppose once in a while isn’t bad. I’m sure I’ll bump into people I haven’t seen in ages. I need to start planning my outfit. Yeah, I know Jan is still a while a way but I have to arrange the outfit in my mind first then spend weeks looking for it in the shops. Good God, I’m really extra aren’t I?

I'm on a roll and I'm filled with inspiration!!

2007-12-14T11:19:00.000Z

I woke up feeling inspired. I know why - the bulb in my bathroom blew so the one in my brain came on. Oh how magic!

I'm only working 1/2 day today so I'm using my time wisely to research possibilities into a possible future venture. Stems from a conversation I had with the Viking the other day. He's a mongst those people that think I'm in the wrong job and is determined come rain or shine to get me out. I sometimes think he wants me to go work for him. He's quite an entrepreneur our Viking - he owns a dance company. He opened it at 19 and is doing quite well at it, hence the confusion about whether to move to London or stay in Gothenburg. I think money will talk at the end of the day. I don't see him commuting to the city to work myself but I suppose we'll see.

I feel like there's a light at the end of the tunnel. It's true what they say - adversity breeds creativity. I woke up the other and asked myself what it was that was stopping me from doing what I wanted. I could only figure out one thing and that's fear. Why should be afraid? There's absolutely no bloody reason. I need to get with the programme and not miss the gravy train - not that I'm a follower. In fact I believe innovation is the key business survival. There are all sorts of support organisations for people like me that are funded by the government. This is all with aim of encouraging entrepreneurship. Jesus please help, I'm nervous just thinking about it. I'm thinking this time next year I could be running my own venture. Yee ha! Exciting stuff and I love it.

I hope nobody asks about my venture - I intend to tell no one. The last time I shared my ideas someone stole them and it was a member of the family. It's all water under the bridge, I was't in a position to put my plans into action at that time anyway. Things are different now. I'm telling no one - except mummy of course. I need her prayers. If all things work out I could see my parents coming to work for me. They're both coming to retirement and this is something that would suit them both. Anyway watch this space....

Have a good weekend.

Productivity – what a nice word!

2007-12-13T16:44:00.000Z

Two entries in two days what’s going on here?

I’m having a rather productive week both socially and work-wise. I’ve been getting to work on time and I haven’t pulled a sickie in ages. Leaves me wondering whether everything is alright. Feels strange – I haven’t been at my best over the past 2 years possibly due to the fact that I loath my job, I hated the people I was living with and they depressed me – the bloody imbeciles. Now I live alone, it’s tough but I’m much happier within myself. I appear to be more focused as well. This is good. Things are looking up. I managed to apply for 4 jobs today alone. I have all my fingers, toes, arms and legs crossed. I’m not sure about one of the jobs I applied for. It’s doing something similar to what I do now but for one of the large LLPs in the City. Not sure if this has ever happened to anyone but it often happens that I end up getting the job I least want. Why?I’ve never understood why. We’ll see I suppose.

I need a holiday. Best start planning for New York in March.

Looking forward to happy holidays.

2007-12-12T16:46:00.000Z

I’ve been really miserable the past couple of months. I mean really miserable; even when I’m supposed to be having a jolly good time. I still felt miserable inside. This seems to have changed since Sunday for some reason. I spent the afternoon with A on Sunday. Now me and A have always had these random days when we seem to just meet up in the morning then let the day lead us. We never have plans and to some I think it would appear like we’re walking around aimlessly. This has never been the case for us. I remember we once decided to have lunch in Brighton and then ended up spending the night in Birmingham. It was just a day of pure randomness as I like to call it. Sunday was actually a good day. I got up and did the usual - cleaning et al. I think I keep talking about cleaning too much. I know why – the idea of my flat ending up like one of those we see on ‘how clean is your house?’ scares me to death. Have you notice how I seem to wonder off onto something else just when I’ve started talking about something else? I need to stop that. Anyway back to Sunday, we met up, had coffee, then lunch at Arbutus (under rated but really lovely food – I mean really lovely food and affordable too.) After lunch we had a little debate about whether to go to the cinema or not. This sounds like an afternoon with my BF but it’s sooooo far from it. I kid you not. I decided I just wanted to stay out for one more drink. For some weird reason most bars were dead in Soho. I don’t blame people for not wanting to come out. The weather was excruciatingly miserable. It was rainy, windy and basically just crap. Anyway, we ended up in Rupert St. The place was pumping! It reminded me of fire, the guy DJing must have nicked a CD from there. It wouldn’t surprise me. Rupert St was really good fun, I met a couple of randoms – including the guy Silas shagged that has no testicles. I believed Silas when he told me. He’s the sort of guy that would check and even ask if he couldn’t find them. Shame the guy’s really nice. I even had a little dance which is the most I’ve done since the middle of August. I went home feeling good and proud of myself. I wasn’t drunk – I’d only had 3 pints of beer but I seemed to be on a high. Anyway, stranger things have happened. That was the highlight and I’m still feeling the high. I suddenly miss going out. I’m going to go out this Christmas holiday – I can’t wait let me tell you. Our office is shut from the 21st to the 31st of December. I need to release some energy. I deserve to after hibernating for the last couple of months.

On another note, I was minding my own business on Facebook about two weeks when I suddenly got a message from Mr GS. I found it odd for someone to assume I’d be surprised after receiving a message from someone I’ve not heard from in 6 months. He said ‘bet you’re surprised to hear from me’ – as if -you twat. I’ve been tracked down by people that I went to nursery school with and haven’t seen in more than 20 year so 6 months is nothing. Besides I want nothing more to do with him anyway. You don’t disappear from someone’s life and expect everything to be ok when you return 6 months later without a good reason. He had the cheek to ask if we could meet up in December just to catch up. What’s there to catch up anyway? I moved on since April. Nuff said on the issue.

The Viking’s back still pining over John. John seems to take over every face to face conversation we have and it’s really annoying because every other tenth thing to come out of his mouth is about John. He’s showing signs of moving on though; he’s been dating other people and shagging lots. He is a very understated whore! You’d never know it. I’ve known him for over 3 years and he’s not someone that likes to talk about such things unless you prod him for the info. On the other hand all my friends know the details about my private life – I don’t see much point in hiding anything unless of course it’s family. I got really embarrassed when my cousin saw me snog JJ. I got so self conscious about her being there and I’m not sure why. Knowing my cousin, snogging in public is not her thing either. I’ve never even seen her kiss a guy on the lips. It’s not prudishness; it’s just that we don’t express certain things in front of our families. The Viking is still uncertain about where he wants to live i.e. here or Gothenburg. I keep asking what he finds so appealing about London and he doesn’t seem to know. I know the answer – he hopes him and John will get back together some day. Good luck to him is all I can say. Shame cause the Viking is one of the most wonderful people I know. He deserves to be with someone special not an Idiot like John.

I’m not sure if I’m looking forward to this Christmas. A’s buggered off to Brazil – second time his boss has taken him. We suspect there’s something going on there but A adamantly denies it (he’s another secretive one). M’s around, not going to SA but his flatmate’s around and he’s got the most annoying bitchy boyfriend – ooh he’s so special he works at Armani for £7.50 an hour – bloody hoo ha! Well I earn about 6 times that an hour beat that! I think you get the gist. The other M’s around but lives all the way in Marlow, I suppose he can always come pick me up but he just dumped his gf, so he’ll end up wanting to talk about her. It’s never bloody ending – Gosh. I guess it’s me, mummy and Dave for Christmas. Oh, the joys of being an only child.

I need help,....

2007-11-26T16:20:00.000Z

I’ve been doing some research into Masters Programmes at various universities around London. To be quite honest I’m not sure how much of a good idea it was because that period of research has left me even more confused. On the one hand, I keep thinking I should know what I want to do in future. I should settle and focus on following one career path – which ever that may be. I keep thinking I need to specialise and focus on doing one thing. But I’m confused because I’m drawn to doing different things. I think I’m broadly the type of person that can do anything. I have very good transferable skills. There’s also the cost of tuition to consider. Why are masters in business related subjects a lot more expensive than those that are not? I’ll probably have to cough up something £7000 over two years. I’d love to be able to go back to University and do it in a year but this is not financially possible.

The other thing that’s confusing me that I’m drawn to towards working in a design related field. I’d love to be something like a design manager. But I’m not sure if I have missed the boat. I need to get that phrase out of my head and replace it with ‘it’s never too late’. My main worry is that I haven’t worked in a design background so I’ve decided that I’m going to ring the course director at London College of Printing to get more information. The other course I was quite keen on was a short course in Accessories design at Central St Martins. It’s just a short course where you are taught how to make accessories from your own designs of course. By the time the course ends after 8 weeks one should have the skills to make complete pieces. I think I’ll take this course with a view to developing it further at a later date. I’ll do it as a hobby to begin with it. I’ve been told I have a knack for designing men’s bags. I just need to learn how to make them i.e. stitching, making buckles and things like that. On the other hand I also quite keen to use the project management skills I have in the design field for example working for a large property developer or commercial interior design firm hence the MA in Design Management.

I remember growing up wanting to work in fashion as a fashion designer or marketer. I was never allowed my mother said that male fashion designers are gay – little does she know. She advised me to take a ‘proper’ at university so I settled on International Business. I didn’t really have a choice in the matter she was paying my tuition fees. But, I think I think since I’m independent of her now, I can do pretty much as I please. All I wish for is success in whatever I choose to do what ever that may be.

On a different note all together, a blast from the past sent me a message on Facebook. The message said something like ‘’hey you. Bet you’re surprised to hear from me. Hope you’re well. Write back if you feel like it. It would be great to hear from you again’’. What the bloody hell does he mean by saying I can write back if I feel like it? This person kept my heart, mind and body occupied for over a year. He disappeared in April and I never heard from him until this week. He never even bothered to give me an explanation or anything. I knew he was alright because he’s restaurant was going from strength to strength. I did try to reach him he never returned any of my calls so I stopped calling. What does he want from me? Well this time I’m not suffering fools gladly. I’m not letting anyone mess around with my heart. Besides I have JJ who I’m increasing getting fond of. I think that’s enough said on the matter.

I said I'd add something funny at the end of every post so here goes,...

A weekend of nothingness - YAY!!!

2007-11-09T15:26:00.000Z

Occasionally, I receive these random email forwards and depending on who sends them, they’re either funny or completely shite. The shite ones are normally sent by people who do not understand my sense of humour. Luckily enough most people know my sense of humour – it’s pure nursery school playground humour and I love it. Kinda like the cartoon I posted the other day it made me laugh so much. I got another one today which I’ll post at the end.

I’m seriously looking for a new job. I’m actually really bored of working in IT for the heritage sector. My main problem is crossing over from the public to the private sector. I really regret accepting this job. I blame it on being young, thoughtless, naïve and vain. One of the main reasons I took it was the location – Savile Row in London. We’ll we’ve been since banished to the outskirts of the city now thanks to Gordon Brown. The pay was OK for a graduate and the benefits were excellent. I thought about 28 days leave, flexi-time, flexi-leave, and study-leave amongst others then I thought yeah, I’ll have that. Turned out not to be the case. Since then I feel like my nice brain has turned to rotten mush. I imagine mould and mildew growing on it sometimes. It’s the most boring job you could ever imagine doing. I need to get out - end of. To make things worse, the organisation is supposed to be relocating to Swindon for good. I’m not leaving my lovely West London flat to live with pig farmers. That probably makes me seem like a snobby person but I don’t care. If you’ve ever been to Swindon you’d understand why I made that comment.

I think I’m going to have a weekend of nothingness. It’s about time I had one especially after the past three weekends that were fun packed. I want to wake up in the morning and clean my flat then go and do some food shopping. I love cleaning. I’ve been warned by some of my friends who think it’s turning into an obsession. I’m not one of those people that expect guests to take their shoes off when they come into the flat by the way. I wait for them to leave then I get most powerful disinfectant/cleaning agent and wipe all the surfaces they’ve come into contact with. The funny thing is I’m not neurotic about cleanliness when I’m outside. It’s just when I’m at home. But, tonight I’m going out for what was supposed to be leaving drinks for someone that left our organisation then came back, was supposed to leave but now has decided to stay. I’m just as confused as you are – believe me. That’s all for now. .

Hello November,

2007-11-06T12:40:00.000Z

I know it’s the 6th day of the month and I really should have said hello on the 1st day. Apologies; I was rather pre-occupied with entertaining my cousin who was here on holiday for three weeks. Speaking of entertaining, I didn’t actually get to do much of that. My main aim was to make sure he was well watered and fed. I’m a good host you see and I aim to maintain that reputation. I have to say, I was rather taken back by the amount of time he spent sleeping. It made me wonder whether he’s denied sleep in SA where he spends a lot time working. If there was a sleeping competition he’d probably have won. On most weekends when he was here, he woke up on Friday evening and didn’t get to sleep till Saturday afternoon. In fact one weekend we all didn’t to sleep till Sunday morning. That was a weekend indeed. One Saturday morning in particular, we were kicked out of a bar at 9.00am by the owner because the owner was dosing off behind the bar. Bless the owner for his patience. We had a right shindig in this bar – I love great times. In fact the shindig carried on at mine. Everyone crashed at mine. I didn’t realise my bed was that big – five people (girls and boys) managed to fit on a king size bed. I didn’t get up till about 8.00pm that evening. I felt so rough; I didn’t even know what time it was. For some odd reason I felt like a wounded buffalo – whatever that feels like. I think it must have been the ‘Vodkat’ (yes you read it right). Some random guy came back to mine, decided to get a bottle of Vodka which turned out not be. We only noticed when he’d left that it was in fact an impostor with a ridiculous 19% alcohol content. I don’t think he had any idea of what Vodka is - bless him for his effort. It was hilarious when I looked at the empty bottle in the evening though. It was a lesson well learned indeed. So that was the highlight of the past two weeks. So you see, I might have been away for the past two weeks but I’m back now. Time to buckle down and focus. Therefore, no naughtiness, randomness or crazy weekends packed full of fun and frolics for the next couple of weeks – yeah right.

Access to Facebook has been blocked again – bummer. I don’t abuse the internet at work but it’s the one thing that keeps occupied during my lunch hour. All the colleagues I used to hang out with have been moved up and down the country. All that’s left is a bunch of techies and lawyers. They’re an interesting bunch but I’m not sure I’m ready to spend my precious lunch hour with them.

I miss JJ a lot. Not knowing when you’re next going to see your ‘bedfellow is really annoying. Especially if you enjoy this person’s company and you’re hopeful that this might develop into something more serious. I’m scared paranoia and jealousy will kick in brought on by the fact that he lives so far away plus I don’t get to see them often enough i.e. imaging things that might be happening around or near him - not that they’ve given me any reason to think like that. I decided earlier this year that I would never do long distance relationships again. The last time was Belfast-London every other week for both of us. I found this travelling all over the place quite annoying. This is partly due to the fact that I have no patience when it comes to travel. I can’t stand sitting on a mode of transport for periods of more than one hour. I want to go to all these places but I expect to be teleported there – some of us expect too much I think. On the other hand the journey from London to Rye in Sussex is not too back- takes just over an hour from London Bridge. So I’m going to have to remind myself to remain calm about the situation.

That’s all – I’m sure we’ll see a lot of each other this month. I have a lot of time to reflect. I thought I might leave the cartoon at the bottom for you. It made me laugh so much. I love silly humour you see.

I love lazy weekends,...

2007-10-16T16:16:00.000+01:00

Lately, I’m getting into the habit of staying in and enjoying my own space. I suppose it makes a change from all the melodrama that’s been happening lately. It’s nice to go home and have all this space to myself. The only downside is that I have always been used to having someone else to talk to in the house – something I’ll have to get used to living without. Living alone has it benefits course; I’m the permanent master of the all the remote controls in my little flat, I eat what I like, when I like and without prying eyes critically casting their eyes upon me, I get to walk around the house naked and other things. All in all, I have peace of mind. Living alone doesn’t come cheap though, especially in London. The luxury of sharing bills is long gone. We’ll see - it’s only the first month and there’s no option but to manage. So far I’m coping alright. I can start planning ahead now. Now that I’m more settled I can focus on getting other things I wanted for e.g. a car. Speaking of cars, I love Alfa Romeo’s especially the 147. I look at it and I imagine myself driving one. Shame Alfa’s are not known for their reliability. And, they’re not cheap to service either. I might have to settle for 2nd best – the Renault Megane – I just love the unusual design or if not the good old VW Golf. The Polo looks a bit naff these days. I liked the shape around the early turn of the century but that has been redesigned with monstrous round lights which make it look really cack. This is all in the future so I’m not going to try and worry about it now. I’m thinking in about a year’s time.

And now a completely different subject matter altogether; I saw the Viking on Friday night. He looks ok and less haggard than the last time I saw him which was about a month ago. He’d just broken up with his ex and was obviously in turmoil. He still talks a lot about his ex. In fact, every time I see he tells me something about his ex. It’s a bit annoying but I suppose these things take time to get over. Time is a great healer (I hate using clichés). Not sure whether it’s pure coincidence or what but he tells me he keeps on bumping into his ex. Anyway, he didn’t hang round much, he stuck around for about an hour then left. We were in the club called the Ghetto; it’s a tiny little club in Soho. In fact it’s been there ages and plays a wide variety of music. Every night is different. We went on a Friday; this is normally an electro night. It wasn’t my cup of tea so I left early. In fact Michael, his two work colleagues and Alfa were there. Alfa had come along with his own brigade it was overall a nice crowd – shame about the music. I bet you if it had been Fiction or Fire we’d be forcibly peeled off the dance floor.

I didn’t do much on Saturday. I did some reading. I’ve been reading ‘Disgrace’ by J. M. Coetzee. Its ok but the not the most enjoyable book I’ve read this year. I’m looking forward to getting my hands on ‘Two Caravans’ by Marina Lewycka. Back to Saturday, I read and slept all day. I only got up when Alpha turned up. Jacqui also turned by later on that evening. I made them dinner – meat balls and mash which I understand they loved. I went to my mum’s mums on Sunday and had the loveliest pork. It was so tender and juicy! That was the my weekend.

2007-10-10T16:21:00.000+01:00

This year has begun to a very interesting, weird and dramatic start. Simply put, there is way too much drama in going on it amazes me. But I have to say -It’s all very easy to forget the size of this city sometimes. There are nukes and crannies all over that you suddenly discover once in a while. This was not, however, a new discovery. I’d heard about places like these in London but never in my unimaginative imagination did I ever think I’d find myself there.

So Friday night I’m with a few friends getting sloshed in Soho – nothing new here. Friday night is party night like most places on the planet - unless of course you live in Saudi Arabia. My friends are 1 gay, 2 lesbians (not together), and 2 straight boys (they are the opposite of faghags). And I don’t know what it is, but I always ask myself why people suddenly amorous after a few tipples of their favourite drink. So, music’s playing, people all over the bar are pouring their hard earned cash down their necks, there’s laughter and people are getting merry. Suddenly the chic on the table next to ours comes over and says hello. She was quite a looker and I had too give her a second glance. Unknowingly she’d been making eyes at one of my mates. 20 minutes later they were tough wrestling. Needless to say this carried on for most of the evening. We were due to go to The Cross in Kings Cross (one of my favourite haunts in London). It came as no surprise that we didn’t make it to The Cross. Instead someone suggested that we go to some club (some club indeed!) in Camden where I’d never been. I assumed it was just like any other bar/club type thingy. I don’t think anyone will ever understand the shock I got when I was handed two towels at the entrance. It was too late by this time. So, out of curiosity I thought I might as well see what this place is all about. I entered and it was dimly lit, there was a large Jacuzzi, steam room, sauna, a chill out room and a bar. I had to walk around first just to check the place out. The first place I went to was the steam room. And to my shock – there was a live threesome going on – I mean live banging in the most inappropriate sense. Everyone in this place seemed to be on heat. There were boys together, girl-girl, girl-boy-girl, and any other conceivable combination you can imagine (not that I’m prudish or anything and in fact far from it) I refused to take part in any of that. I’m just not into public displays of erotica. I keep thinking one can easily get carried away with things like that. Sex in London in so accessible sometimes it’s hard to believe it. I’m informed places like these exist in most parts of London – funny how information about them is not freely available. Anyway I spent most of the evening talking to some very nice strangers at the bar.This was the highlight of my weekend.

Saturday is normally a chill out day for me and the rest of my mad gang. It gets kind of boring because most people suddenly start talking about problems they have or are about to have with their respective partners. Issues to do with trust and commitment yet for a fact I know and they know that they’re cheating scoundrels (Yes you all know who you are and God is watching!)

Sunday, yes Sunday of all days turned out to be quite pleasant. I slept till around 10am when my mother rang me. Without even asking me, she told me to go pick her sister that's on holiday her and escort her to hers. I was a bit miffed by this. I had plans that day. I didn't mind, afterall it's not like my aunt lives here; I also don't get to see her everyday. So I got up, tidied my little flat i.e. hoovering, washing up, dusting etc. Got to my aunt's at around 1.00pm then my mum's at 2.00pm. Had lunch, my step was also home so it was nice. At around 5.00pm my aunt and mum decided they wanted to hit the pub. I decided I'd stay home. I was being good and have been since I moved. So I told them I'd join them later. Got there at around 8.00pm for a glass or two of wine. By the time I got there, these two ladies were merry. I got my glass of wine and sat with them. Come 10.00pm they were pissed!!! They carried on drinking and encouraged me to drink especially my mum. I can't do the accent but she kept telling me it was too early to home. The pub shut, ordered a cab, dropped my mum off home. By the time we got to my mum's she seemed even more pissed. I had to help her out of the car and walk her to her flat. It was all amusing really. She was all giddy and giggly. I had to do the same for my aunt. In fact I had to walk her all the up into her flat. The evening turned out to be ok; I find that the times when the sisters meet up are the most humourous. That was the weekend.

I've got my own little nest. I think kids next.

2007-10-04T15:32:00.000+01:00

I must really get into the habit of posting regularly. Lots of snippets and smidgens of stuff happen all the time that would be worth noting. On the other hand, my life seems to have gone very quite since I stopped living with that wretched and evil sod of a woman. Mind you I went round last Thursday to get a reference from her. She wrote me a glowing reference detailing what a wonderful tenant I’d been. I met the new guy living there. The poor sod just arrived from Portugal and hardly speaks any English. Listening to their conversation was a bit like watching a special needs teacher in class talking to a bunch of spastics. I feel sorry for him, I almost felt like telling him to get out before it’s too late. But I’m sure he’ll come to realise that in due course. I often wondered how Craig managed to live there for 2 and half years. Come to think of it they are both filthy minded evil people.

On the upside, I finally managed to move into my little nest (little nest sounds better when said with a Nigerian accent – go on try it). It’s only a studio flat in Kilburn. I’ll post pictures when I finally finish unpacking and arrange the place nicely. The room itself is a big, with a separate little kitchen, has a proper cooker and oven, washing machine and small fridge freezer. It’s big enough for 2 people to live in comfortably. There’s tons of storage i.e. built in wardrobes etc. So now I’m off to John Lewis to start buying bits and bobs. I thought about going Ikea but I get pissed off by the fact that I find something from there in almost every person’s house that I visit. I feel like there’s weight off my shoulder. House hunting is so stressful and tiring. At this point in time I’m just looking forward to grabbing a colour wheel/chart going crazy with furnishings.

I really wish someone could explain to me why Africans are nosy. They sometimes remind me of pigs shoving their noses in mud even if there’s nothing much there. Let people just be for God’s sake. I got really angry with some family friend’s daughter. She was snooping around my Facebook profile looking for dirt on me. What made it worse was the fact that this fat cow was doing it all in front of her mother. So I got a bit concerned that this girl’s mother would ring up my mother and ask questions. I think they saw a picture of me propped up against one of my good friends Jack. Knowing African bloody mindedness and slightly adverse perversion they assumed I was doing bolingo with him (or chewing him – I love Ugandan terminology). So, this girl’s mother rang up my cousin Christine and asked questions. Christine knows most things about me and I don’t hide anything from her so she rang and warned me about the questions this woman was asking. Anyway I stopped what I was doing sat by the bus stop and thought about whether I’d left any evidence on Facebook about my antics – no. The only other area would be this blog and only a few people have access to it; this is because information held here could be dangerous in the wrong hands. So I’ve gone to Facebook and changed all my privacy settings – a person in Uganda would probably call it burglar proofing (if such a thing exists online). It’s true what people say, some people spend a lot of time just checking up on what other people are up to because there’s nothing much going on in their lives. It’s a sad sad situation, and it’s getting more and more absurd (Get out of my head Elton). I’m always ranting about something or other aren’t I?

I bumped into Silas’s flatmate. They’re being kicked out of their river front apartment in Zone 15 (I know, but it feels like there’s a zone 15 when one’s travelling there). It was a nice apartment but it was way too far. In fact France was closer to them than the centre of London. To make matters worse, trains stop leaving the area at 10.30pm in the evening. There are also minimal amenities in the area; one has to walk 20 mins to the nearest shop. Good luck to the poor sod.

Finally the dust settles.

2007-09-13T14:34:00.000+01:00

I’ve spent a lot of time lately reading other people’s blogs. Some have serious debates on politics, religion, development, sexuality et al. I don’t particularly have an interest in politics or religion, sexuality to me is something people do in their own privacy – I don’t think there’s a need for people to dedicate so much time discussing what is normal or not(culturally or religiously). I personally feel there are more important issues in the world that they could spend their time on. I suddenly thought; this is my blog I’ll write whatever I please. It’s about my life so, sod politics, religion, sexuality, sport et al.

I’ve been so random lately. In fact this is going to be a random entry. I will attempt to make things flow because it has been a while since I made an entry. I get the feeling this is going to be like one of Kelly’s essay entries. The past couple of weeks have been filled with rage, fun, frolics and some partying. I haven’t really partied like I normally do; I think I’m getting Fire withdrawal symptoms. It’s been bloody ages since I last went to my favourite hang out. I’ve also moved house; I’m currently lodging at my mum’s in Stanmore. She’s starting to drive me up the wall. She’s basically doing what mothers do – smothering me. I woke up last Sunday to an open Bible. She TOLD me to read Psalm 139. She still tells me I need prayers and my soul needs cleansing. I tell you if she knew what I’ve been up to she’d probably recommend that my soul be taken to the dry cleaners (those nasty stains on my soul need to be removed). I have to say I love and adore my mum mother but she pisses me off by shoving religion down my neck. I’ll go to bloody church when I want to go not just when someone feels I need to go to church.

I finally moved out of the hell hole. It just got really unbearable having to live with unbalanced person. I have to give myself credit for being that resilient. I cannot see or imagine anyone being able to cope with that woman. For example the Viking only lasted a couple of weeks. When Susan had that spell of madness, the dithering fool rang his mother at 3.00am (4.00am Swedish time). When things like that happen I think it is important to remain rational and try to think clearly and strategically. First of all there was no way I would have been able to move anywhere at that time, secondly I couldn’t have rang my mother because there was nothing that she could have been able to do at that time and thirdly what was done was done. The only option was to confront Susan in the morning when she woke up. The straw that broke the camel’s back was Susan coming into my room to start an argument with me on Monday 03/09/07. In fact this whole thing had started the on the Monday the previous week. Susan’s ex flat mate was coming over for lunch. We were all in a good mood so I rang him to find out what time he would be coming. At this point I was helping Susan cook for him and his bf. I left for Carnival. Then when I got back she started shouting asking me why I’d rang Craig adding that I shouldn’t ring her friends because they’re her friends. This was all in front of Craig and his bf. I flipped and gave her my piece of mind. I really abused her. I was nasty and evil and told her everything nasty about her and ended up telling her to go suffocate her self if she was that pissed off about me ringing her friend. Thinking of it now makes me realise how childish the woman really is. I mean which adult goes around telling people not to ring her friends? Is this some playground game with 6 and 7 years olds or something? It’s not like I didn’t know Craig. We’ve met on a number of occasions and gotten on really well. Anyway, back to Monday the 3rd. she comes bursting into my room. I was only wearing underwear she started and wanted to carry on the argument. I flipped again told her to get out of my room. She refused. I got out of my bed; physically grabbed her by her neck and hair threw her out of my room. I told her to call the police if wanted. Then I told her I was moving out on Friday the 7th and that she should keep out of my way. End of!

Prior to this fiasco, I met Susan O my cousin. I hadn’t seen her since December last year. We had a great day out actually. I was on balance though. This bank holiday weekend never seemed to end. I got fed up of drinking I stopped. Susan always has random people around her for some reason. But she left early and took Baba some food. The plan was that we’d all go home change then go out again but that didn’t happen. In fact we were supposed to go to this new hip club called Aura – it’s supposed to be Fabulous. Haven’t been yet; seems too clean and showy for me. I like my grimy, dirty and seedy clubs.

On another note, the Viking went back to Sweden. He said he needed to recuperate (recuperate my ass!) after the heart break (boo hoo!). He was still going to work crying just before he left. He once told me that he was at work, started thinking about his ex and tears started streaming down his face. Luckily his client was lying face down (the Viking is a masseuse as well). So off he went back to Gothenburg, not sure what his work said about him taking time off but that’s his problem. What makes me laugh is that he claims to have come to London to improve his English and get a career in the City of London (the ‘City’ is London’s version of Wall Street). Who does he think he’s fooling? Did he think I was born when it last rained or what? Everyone knows he moved here to be with that no good; toe rug ex boy friend of his who also treated him like rag that even a dog wouldn’t shit on. I hope he’s learned his lesson. Next time he’ll think twice before leaving his country to be with some fucked up dude. Yeap; he really was fucked up in all senses. The only thing his ex had going for him was the looks. I’m such a BITCH. Must come from wearing a queen’s crown. Ha!

Everyone must have heard this line somewhere before – it doesn’t rain, it pours. That’s what I’m going through right now and I’m confused. That’s all I need right now. I hate being lust with one person not to mention three. Oh bugger bugger bugger!! Leave it at that Martin. Anyway at least I’m enjoying nice Bolingo (sex). I have to say one of the people is not quite up to scratch on the subject. To me bolingo is like playing chess, some people are wonderful whilst some people are absolutely crap. Such a shame, this person is really nice and makes me laugh and does all those cute little things that dream of. Anyway we shall see.

I hate birthdays. They always seem to be more hype than should be. I only ever seem to remember one fantastic birthday and I think that was my 23. I went out for a meal with a load of my friends and we really enjoyed ourselves. The restaurant is a fusion of Malay and Indonesian called Lontosa in Harrow. It wasn’t a great big piss up or anything like that. But it felt good having all my friends around. My friends at the time made it even more extra special because almost all of them brought me presents. This year’s birthday was a bit shit (bloody tight fisted friends!). This is possibly because I started drinking too early. I got carried away with the moment. - I must keep reminding myself not to do this. Otherwise I’ll end up like those Ugandans on ‘balance’. They have to have a beer or something stronger to maintain their balance. I don’t necessarily call them alcoholics; they just drink too much but are not dependant on alcohol. I seem to remember having this argument with my deranged, alcoholic ex-flat mate. Now she started drinking sometimes everyday at 6.00am that’s what I call being dependent on alcohol. This carried on all day. Her excuse was that she hated water and juice (yeah right! I know some people that hate water or juice but have either and do not replace either with alcohol.) Anyway, back to my birthday. Jacqui and Alpha were around and off we went into Soho for Pride. I tell you there was one somewhere in London every weekend in August. I went to about 3 of them. One (London Pride) is more about matching for gay rights (that’s the one I went to when it poured; this is all a bit worthy), Brighton pride (big family day out on the beach) and Soho pride which is one great big party. It has also always been my favourite. There are no sprogs in site just adults out to really enjoy themselves. I took some pictures but I think some might find them a little risqué. Besides I got a little too naughty and what made it worse was the fact that I was right in front of Jacqui my cousin. She took the piss out of me but I did NOT give a shit. I delved into an afternoon of pure adulterated LUST. Did you notice the capitals? Good, I hope so. That was the one thing that made my birthday. Yeah, a lovely birthday filled with tongue frolicking, wrestling etc. Nothing else happened that afternoon. I saved that for the Thursday that followed. The best part is that we’re still in touch. Shame this person lives so far. Enough of that – I sense some of you might be getting jealous. I know for a fact that both passion and lust haven’t rained in your lives for bloody ages. Ha!

Sorry no entries been rather preoccupied.

2007-09-07T12:51:00.000+01:00

Sorry about the lack of melodrama. There's been lots going on that I need to fill you in about i.e naughtiness and high jinks. I'll do that on monday.

Finally peace and motivation.

2007-08-10T12:25:00.001+01:00

Nothing much to post today. Only that I got home late yesterday evening and and Susan gave me a present. She'd bought me a huge Leo mug. I think I should take it to church to be cleansed first. You never know what she might have done to it. Saying that sounds really wrong, but everyone keeps drumming it into my head that she's dodgy. Mind you I forgot to mention that she's originally from cornwall. They're known for their paganism and nature worshiping. So, I it would not come as a surprise. Bloody hell; I really must stop rambling on.

Looking forward to going to my friend Clare's birthday. I have not seen her in ages. I can't wait to shake my tushi tonight.

R.I.P George, spastic cat you're next.

2007-08-09T15:59:00.001+01:00

George the snake died on Sunday. My friend Martin came round and was going round looking at the animals and found George slumped in the bowl of water. He’d drowned. Susan was quite upset about the whole event. I found her crying in the garden on Monday then on Tuesday she got up early went and bought herself a bottle of whisky and knocked it back. She’d passed out by the time I got home that evening. Funny thing was that she wanted to dry the snake and put it in a frame, so she took it into the garden but the birds came and took it. I’ve never laughed so much. She shouldn’t mind so much she still has Gertrude (the other snake), toads, salamanders, newts, fishes, crickets and of course the spastic cat. I call it spastic because it’s the most useless cat you’ll ever come across. It’s afraid of other animals including cats and birds. I mean what kind of cat gets attacked by a blackbird (see below)? Bear in mind these birds are only slightly bigger than chicks. Now Susan is thinking of getting chameleons. God bless the next person that’s going to live in that house.

I keep getting weird dreams. The strangest one so far was this young quite dishy Acholi guy wanting to marry me. We were in Hyde Park and this guy kept on following us. He managed to pluck up the courage and came and spoke to me. We hit it off and had a great afternoon. He asked for my number which I gave cordially. The strange thing was that when he was leaving he said he was going to marry me one day because he’d been speaking to my Aunt Joan about me and that the whole day had been arranged by her and her sisters. Yeah, exactly like that’s ever going to happen. Then the same night I dreamt that a dog had bitten one of my fingers. I must check for the meaning of this. I read about it once on dream dictionary. Then there was one where we were trying to escape floods on Hampstead Heath. Weird.

I’ve been speaking a lot to my mum lately. I know she means well. But she ordered me to move out of Susan’s flat. She’s a bit concerned by the animals and believes Susan is into Voodoo. She doesn’t understand how someone can have such animals in her house. Susan doesn’t help the situation either, she dries and puts the dead animals into frames and then onto the wall. But on the one hand Africans culturally do not keep animals like that. Most animals you find around people especially in Uganda have a purpose. I mean what purpose is a snake that’s as thin as a pencil and just over a foot long going to serve you? At least dogs and cats give affection; something you can’t get from a toad. Anyway back to my mum, she suggested that I go to church. She believes my soul needs cleansing because Susan might have did some juju to me. I told her Susan is agnostic – if she doesn’t believe in God then there’s no way she’ll believe in the devil. Susan has always been like that she just loves strange creatures for example she has two of these. They're called Axotols.

You people, my birthday’s coming up. What shall I do? I’m in no mood to do anything to be quite honest. Going to eat food at my mum’s would do the trick.

Things are looking up. Silole bati shuwale

2007-08-08T10:03:00.000+01:00

The Viking left – miss his company lots. I just wanted to say that. I meant that he left and found somewhere else to live. I consider this a good thing.

I started the week on a mission to re-evaluate my life, my friends, family, work, sexual partners etc. I tell a lie, this started towards the end of last week. And all the events that were going on around me had not helped the situation. Imagine coming home to a house only to find smashed glass, plates, cups and sand. What kind of anger, venom and rage would make a person behave in that way? To me the whole event seems like a bloody waste of fucking time and money. Because Susan’s had to go out and buy paint for the graffiti and also replace all the cups and other things and clean up the house. I honestly think she’s a twat that needs to seek help. No wonder she’s not allowed to see her grand children – I mean what if she got into a fit of rage and chucked one of the poor little bastards (I can call them that – they were born out of wedlock) out of the window. Enough of that now I’m getting bored of talking about the whole issue over and over again.

And now a short note on friendship,…
How can we find true friendship in this often phoney, temporary world? Friendship involves recognition or familiarity with another's personality. Friends often share likes and dislikes, interests, pursuits, and passion. How can we recognize potential friendship? Signs include a mutual desire for companionship and perhaps a common bond of some kind. Beyond that, genuine friendship involves a shared sense of caring and concern, a desire to see one another grow and develop, and a hope for each other to succeed in all aspects of life. True friendship involves action: doing something for someone else while expecting nothing in return; sharing thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment or negative criticism.

True friendship involves relationship. Those mutual attributes we mentioned above become the foundation in which recognition transpires into relationship. Many people say, "Oh, he's a good friend of mine," yet they never take time to spend time with that "good friend." Friendship takes time: time to get to know each other, time to build shared memories, time to invest in each other's growth. Trust is essential to true friendship. We all need someone with whom we can share our lives, thoughts, feelings, and frustrations. We need to be able to share our deepest secrets with someone, without worrying that those secrets will end up on the Internet the next day! Failing to be trustworthy with those intimate secrets can destroy a friendship in a hurry. Faithfulness and loyalty are key to true friendship. Without them, we often feel betrayed, left out, and lonely. In true friendship, there is no backbiting, no negative thoughts, no turning away. True friendship requires certain accountability factors. Real friends encourage one another and forgive one another where there has been an offence. Genuine friendship supports during times of struggle. Friends are dependable. In true friendship, unconditional love develops. We love our friends no matter what and we always want the best for our friends.

Fuck all you backstabbing idiots. You know who you are!! Nuff said!! This isn’t aimed at you guys that read this by the way. I wrote it here because I have no intention of sharing my thoughts with tossers. In Susan’s words I would not give them the privilege. On a better note, Gigi (I hope you like the knick knacks), Alpha and Michael have been really supportive. I’m sure they have they’re own issues to deal with but they were burdened by mine.

Now family,…

Bless mum and cousins for coming round on Sunday. The day went surprisingly well considering Susan was home. I kind of got miserable and I had a cry (big cry). Too many things were going on in my head and her being there made them all want to come out. I often get upset because there are aspects of my life I’d like her to know but I can’t. She’s of another generation and I’m sure she’d never understand. I bust out into tears and she told me to go home with her. She could tell I needed to get out of that house but I couldn’t tell her. When’s mother’s day the way. I bought her a really nice watch a couple of years ago and some twit in Uganda knicked it – the swine.

There’s also the work thing. I had a Kelly moment as well – thinking about switching jobs etc. I always asked myself how I ended up working in IT. It’s so not me. I mean I don’t go around prodding computers or playing with software. I’m a project manager this means I have to wait around for people to do things and make sure they’re delivered to time and budget. Yawn! That’s not my personality; I sometimes have no patience, I like things to keep moving not walking. We’ll what the future holds.

I’m definitely moving out of that hell hole next month. Something to look forward to in the short run.

No more drama - Yippee!

2007-07-26T11:35:00.000+01:00

I have to promise myself never to live with anyone that has animals and drinks more than me – ever again! The week started well. The Viking came back home after our little fracas and everything was hankie-dory. He had a day off on Tuesday so he decided to stay in and do some work for his Swedish dance company. He wanted to work on things like tax, applications for new students etc. He started off well and was getting into the flow. Meanwhile, Susan had decided that she would stay in and finish making her chairs. This would of course involve using a drill and an electric sander. You know how much noise these can make. The Viking shut the windows to reduce the noise coming into the room. I think and I must stress I think Susan was in the mood to piss him off I also know this I know she’s started drinking (10.00am – who goes on a bender at this time in the morning. Even I’m not that bad). She started playing her horrendous fucked up Scott Walker record (The Drift) at full blast. He went into the kitchen and kindly asked her to turn it down. She got pissed off and the argument started. They started hurling insults at each other. The Viking commented on how filthy Susan is – now this is true. Susan blew her top. She’d been expecting her ex flatmate over, this had excited her soo much she’d started drinking in the morning whilst making the chairs. Craig turned up and told him what had happened and some more stuff that did not need to be said. They both insulted the Viking – quite loudly and casually because he could hear everything. The Viking left the house because he could not take it anymore. I met up with him then we decided to go to Silas’s for dinner and lovely it was too.

Silas lives so fucking far out of town (Plumstead or little Lagos as some call it) it is unbelievable. I say this because by the time we got to the station at 11.15pm on our way home, we’d missed the last train into town. Now that says something about where you live if you cannot get a train into town after 11.15 (you live in the bloody sticks). We had to get a night bus – took 45 minutes to get to Elephant and Castle. Lucky enough the Bakerloo line was still working and off we went home. You’ll never believe the state of the flat when we got in. There was mud all over the floor, broken glass, plates rubbish everywhere. Susan had smashed most of her stuff everywhere around the house to prove a point to the Viking about what he'd said earlier. I took a video on my phone which I plan to add to this sometime. There was also lots of graffiti aimed at the Viking. It was just plain nasty and evil the things she said in the graffiti about the Viking. It was just so filthy and evil. She made comments relating to his sexuality etc which I consider just plain nasty. The more I think about it the more angry I get. The poor boy could not help it but he burst out crying and immediately rang his mother in Sweden. This was around 1.30am. He was crying down the phone to his mother. I took it rather calmly because at that moment there was nothing I could do to change the situation. To make things worse the Vikings mother was not helping the situation. She started filling his head with things like ‘if someone smashes plates on the floor you are cursed’. How people believe in things like that I don’t know. Wait a minute, Greeks smash plates at parties. Does this mean they’re cursing themselves? Answers on a post card.

We went to bed at around 2.30am. The Viking was still stressed. For such an aggressive and highly strung person, he’s such a coward. He barricaded the door just to make sure Susan would not come into the room and do something. The poor thing woke up in the morning, started packing all his stuff and went to stay at Silas’s for a couple of days. He’s been ok there; I think he finds the distance a bit of a chore. This I can understand.

I’m pissed off now. In fact I’m getting stressed because I have to start house hunting again. This is such hard work. Travelling around etc. At least this time it won’t be with someone I don’t know, there’ll be no fucking animals. By the way I warned Susan that if she ever tampered with any of my stuff her bloody animals would get it. I’d probably start by bleaching the fish or perhaps accidentally push their tanks over. I don’t know, I guess it would be whatever took my fancy at that point. I sound sad – I hate things like plotting against people and to be quite honest I’m crap at it. I have to say something; I’ve never in my life come across anyone like Susan. I really hope I never do again.

Kabbala is actually ok.

2007-07-24T15:00:00.000+01:00

No I'm not that much of a Madonna fan in case you're wondering. If I wanted to see her all the time I know where her house is in London.

The Viking bought me the first course (a 30 day introductory course). See Kabbala is not a religion it is a way of life encouraging people to achieve fulfilment, success and satisfaction in their lives. It also encourages people to focus on the long rather than short term. Short term success is given by examples such as material, money etc. Oh, I can’t go into it right now. I’ll explain later. So far it seems to be making sense. I’m forever an optimist who has little pockets of pessimism dotted around my brain. We’ll see,…

After my Saturday night fracas; someone’s decided that the best way to apologise to me is by taking me out to dinner. I agreed simply because I can’t be bothered to sit and watch Susan get pissed on cider for the Nth time this week. I’m also bored of staying in. So why not? Mind you, there’s going to be some strange silences at the table. This could have all been saved by a simple sorry. In fact I’d rather have that than awkward silences in a busy restaurant. Anyways, I’ll keep you posted.

Yesterday was Monday. Nothing much ever happens.

Bugger Buggerers!!! They're all pissing me off.

2007-07-23T16:32:00.000+01:00

I woke up annoyed this morning. I was in one of those moods which if anyone had said hello I’d have just told them to piss off out of my breathing space. I think I’m still pissed off about certain things that happened over the weekend. Some people seem to be more and more capable of pissing me off. I like to think that I have enough patience and never to go flying off the handle like some people I know. As you can tell I had an argument with a really good friend. He talked to me like I was stupid – I felt violated. We had a screaming match down the phone. The other friend of mine pissed me off by being an opportunist and taking advantage of my kindness and stealing. I don’t take advantage of people nor do I take the piss out of their kindness for me. It’s not what he took that annoyed me. It’s because he felt that he could come to my home and have free reigns over my property. Some would call that stealing from a friend. He was dishonest about the whole thing. Lucky enough someone saw him take whatever he took. Neither has apologised, that’s probably the reason I’m still upset. OK enough of the ranting.

I know I said enough of the moaning but for Pete’s sake; if I can’t moan on my own bloody blog where else can I do it? Simple question: If a person is dumped, it is surely the dumpee that normally cries and wails about being dumped and not the dumper. I’m not sure if you follow my gist, but I’ll try and explain it again. My friend dumps their boyfriend but ends up crying about it saying how much they miss the boyfriend etc. Well if you miss him after dumping him, why bloody bother dump them in the first place? Love is a funny thing. It never ceases to amaze me. All I can say is that ‘each to their own’. I see this turning into some ‘Carrie Bradshaw-esque’ type blog one day. Either way it will give one insight into the workings of certain people’s brains. No wonder some of us choose to remain single. Relationships can sometimes be too much hard work, miserable and the loneliest places to be. Don’t bring up that sex on tap reasoning – sex is so accessible these days. It all depends on how well you play the game.

Finally some good news; I don’t have diabetes. I got the all clear this morning from my Doctor. She said she’d monitor my blood pressure and glucose every three or four months. I got really worried that I would have to start taking medication for the rest of my life. I really believed I had got the bloody condition especially as it runs on my dad’s side of the family. The things we inherit from our parents – much as we love and adore them.

I’m still looking for shoes. I missed the summer sales, I went to most of my favourite shoe shops and all the stuff they had on sale was shit, or didn’t love them or I hesitated. I’ll try again next week when I’ve got more time on my hands.

On a random note, I had the weirdest dreams on Sunday. I’ll spare you the details. Some where nightmarish others plain odd. One was like 28 days later (the film). Others were of me being so deeply in love and walking on a beach in Mauritius. Then I had a monster nightmare that felt so real I woke up thinking it was really happening. I’m off to dream dictionary. Ciao

Because life is already hard,...

2007-07-20T12:14:00.000+01:00

I’ve been away for the past two weeks – Doctor’s orders believe it or not. I’m not super human. This boy gets ill sometimes. Nonetheless, the past weeks were packed full of adventure. Only I had to take it a little slower than usual. There weren’t any episodes of me landing in beds of cacti – I hope this never happens again!!! I was still out with my Battalion (Silas, Michael, Richard, Ingemar, Siân and Ana) a lot of the time.

There was pride – what a crap day. It bloody poured the entire day. Funny though it didn’t stop anyone from going out and there were lots of MEN! I arranged for people to come over for food to. Susan insisted on barbequing chicken in the rain under a feather filled clear plastic umbrella (it burnt by the way). Susan’s daughter came with her boyfriend (he is despised by Susan with VENOM). I wore a dress (not out) and made everyone fall over laughing. We then headed off into the night like a bunch of thieves. Did the usual bar crawl in Soho and guess what we ended up at Fire.

The following week seemed to drag on. I did not have much on and did not seem particularly interested in doing much so I slept a lot; after all it is what the doctor had ordered. Thursday came along, Silas rang and asked if I could meet him in the West End – this always leads to something or other. It turned out to be a humdinger of a night. We went to The End for a night called Discotec (check out the pics). It’s a nice club that I rarely go to. What made it even better is that they were playing R’n’B. I really miss dancing to it sometimes. We met some randoms and ended up at their flat in Soho. That is another TV show all together that I’d rather not get into. No it wasn’t sex – people have such dirty minds.

Because I went out on Thursday, I decided to stay in Friday. Saturday started out quite chilled as it often does. I slept throughout most of the day. Got up at around 6pm then went to meet the Battalion. As usual all roads lead to Fire. It never disappoints unless it’s days like Pride when there’s about 400 million people squashed into a club just bigger than Silk, Kampala. I tell a lie it is a lot bigger cause all the rooms in Fire are the same size as the cheapie room in Silk that I’ve never been to but heard lots about. I wonder if it’s true that people that go there really pong? I heard there’s this aroma of BO that fills the air. Anyway back to Fire we danced and danced till Sunday morning then afternoon stayed and till Later (that’s what they call it – really). Left at 3pm with some randoms who were quite nice and went back to their flat in Canary Wharf. We stayed there till about midnight then went home. I’ve been on recovery since then.

Going to see family this weekend-mummy my aunt cousins. I don’t see them often enough which is a shame because I really love them.

What happened to this Summer?

2007-06-27T16:21:00.000+01:00

Too much happened this weekend. Not going to into it! Besides, I’m sure you’ve all heard about it before. I tell a lie. I fell down the stairs of a night bus much to the amusement of other drunken people going home. Only I was going out to another joint. Oh well, shit happens.

I was told today that I must learn to tell people I love them more. This was the Viking telling me; and to be quite honest he does make me feel loved. I miss him when he’s away (no I’m not sleeping with him and have no intentions of doing that). He’s just one of those people that know how to make me feel really good. This unlike some that make me feel used and abused. Lucky bugger is off to Sweden (his homeland to visit his matriarch) for a week. Wish I could jet off with him.

The weather here has been so bloody awful we’ve had floods and other things being blown and thrown around in certain parts of the country. The North East of England is particularly affected. For purely selfish reasons, I am annoyed by this; Saturday is GAY pride - always a fun day out. But I bet you it’s going to be pelting down with rain. Well if it does rain, I’m going to stay in with Susan’s lot. They’re all coming over for something to eat before going to pride. On the other hand, I’m not so sure I want to see her lot; they already have preconceptions about me. Like I said she tells them everything about my life. I don’t like people that do that.

I went to see my Doctor on Monday. She told me I had hypertension (high blood pressure). I don’t believe it’s a permanent condition at all. I have to go back for some blood tests next week. I’m not sure I should be worried. Things like this don’t scare me. Odd but true.

I'm treating myself to these and some others this weekend

And the drama goes on,....

2007-06-21T15:59:00.001+01:00

The drama carries on…..being quite honest I’m getting fed up of walking on egg shells all the time. I went to spend some me/ingemar time yesterday. We had a few drinks and food (he was paying – my treat next time - Muah darling!). So we ate drunk then went home. We got home I got the keys out to open the door. He normally opens the door when I’m with him, but for some strange reason I opened the door. He was behind me so I immediately assumed that he would lock the door since he had his own set of keys in his hand. A couple of minutes went past and so did a bus. This then made the main door slum really hard. I heard Susan get out of her room; she then went and locked the door. Then she came flying into the kitchen where I was effing and blinding about not locking the door and that someone being the house at 4.30am the previous day. Apparently (I was not there to witness this), someone had forgotten to lock the main the door and some random person had entered and wondered around the flat and even tried to get into her room. The truth, is I heard her get up at around this time (yes 4.30am) and I assumed that she was going to buy cider (it wouldn’t not surprise me at all and yes there’s a liquor store open near my flat that’s open at this time). Apparently not, she thought it was me, who’d let someone into the house (for a shag) and forgotten to lock the door.

When in the wrong, I normally hold my hands up and say sorry. I did that yesterday. I thought that perhaps I’d forgotten to lock the door earlier on in the evening so I apologised. You’ll never guess what Susan did next? Run out of the kitchen like a little girl screaming, effing and blinding slammed her bedroom door then rang her mother. Then she started playing Scott Walker’s the drift (a most horrendous record!!). She’s done this before. Makes me wonder why a 57 yr old woman would behave like this. She does this to her sister and daughter. Does this mean she really loves me as much she loves them or she hate us all. I’ve never seen an older person so immature at communication, handling her temper in public, cleanliness, bad manners etc. She’s like this spoilt 6 yr old girl trapped in a 57 yr old woman’s body. Each time she gets upset, she has a tantrum rings her mummy then hides in her room sulking (to really bad music). Dear Lord, What is the world coming to? I told her this to her face that’s why I can write about it. I’m wondering why she reacted like this. It’s not the first time someone or she had forgotten to lock the front door. Makes me think something else is lurking underneath all this. I’ll investigate and get back to you on this one. It’s one of those instances when you know you’re right. Watch this space,….. If I’m right, she’ll get it!!

Enough of that palaver! Viking is in love. He needs to learn to pull away and take things slowly. He’s getting there though (bless him). I love having him around. We’re beginning to understand each other better. Nice Puss Puss (kiss kiss in Swedish for those that don’t know).

On a random note. Annoyed that Gianfranco Ferre died this week. I was a fan!

If you ever get a chance to visit the GFF site

Snippets from the weekend

2007-06-20T12:32:00.001+01:00

I’m increasingly starting to get slightly frustrated with myself. Every time I plan to take it easy over a weekend it never seems to work. Someone comes up with a brilliant idea and off I go. Sod staying in – ‘I’ll sleep when I dead (my attitude especially after a glass or two). One thing though I wasn’t as pissed as the previous week. I don’t like that word pissed or any of its related synonyms. It’s starting to creep up too often in a lot of things I do.

There were still tantrums, tears, and graffiti (the graffiti thing is another TV show all together – hint: a big piece of steak involved. Shame it wasn’t from a prized bull). Love is a funny thing. It always amazes me how it can reduce a grown man to pile of rubble. I find it amazing that a person can be intoxicated and besotted by another person to the point of loosing their mind. I don’t understand it really. I have never experienced anything like that. On the other hand I’m not sure I would want to be like that. I have very different aspirations and expectations from love. I often wonder whether it’s the pride, self respect that prevents me from being in love. I’ll be damned if you ever see me crying myself to sleep because of a man. To be quite frank I’m repulsed by the idea. One must never involve oneself in such friends’ matters again. One can end up with egg on one’s face – as I did. Not too pleased about it but hey,..

Yesterday was nice. I had a break from the teary eyed, love sick puppy. He went off to meet his loved one. I thought yay. Peace and quite. I’m bored of listening to this crap. I love and adore him but it comes to a point when you think I really need a break. I cannot cope with you moaning all the bloody time. I have issues too and I think it’s pretty selfish of you to use up the time I would have used to share and discuss my issues with other people. I know what I’ll do. I’ll run away to my parents this weekend.

Mellow,.....

2007-06-15T13:47:00.000+01:00

I stayed up late yesterday. I was chatting to Susan for ages. Her aim was to repaint some of the graffiti she’d written all over the house. She ended up procrastinating then drank oodles and oodles of cider. Then she had a cup of coffee and off she went to bed. She gets into these random moods where she starts scribbling things and notes all over her house. For example, on the back of the toilet door; she wrote these house rules which she grouped under does and don’ts. Under Dos she had things like paedophilia (meaning it keeps children out of her house), wine (obviously) and other things. Under Don’ts, she had no gays (she was just joking of course. Her last 4 flatmates were all gay and so is her son). Needless to say she does keep me entertained and I love her because she loves having my friends around. The more the merrier she says. She truly loves to see people enjoying themselves.

Not planning to do much this weekend. Like I said in the previous entry, I think I have over done the going out thing. So I think it’s about time I gave my body a break. It deserves it. So tonight, I intend to go home, have a very very long steamy bath. I intend to give every strand of hair on my body some attention. I’ll also give myself a pedicure and manicure. Silas will be coming over late. I am determined to stay in come what may. He’s the one person that normally twists my arm when it comes to going out. He knows it’s my weakness. Some love chocolate I love partying.

Sunday is father’s day, so I’m planning to go see Dave (my dearest step-daddy).

All in the name of fun,..

2007-06-14T16:19:00.002+01:00

Love’s truly a bitch. You meet someone fall in love. Person does not fall in love but pretends to. Yet, they’re too scared to tell you the truth so they keep stringing along. What the fuck? I’m fed up of hearing and talking about so I’ll spare you the details. As you can tell it’s a miserable first entry. I make no apologies for making my first entry during a shit period. If you are expecting jokes, this, that and the other please sod off somewhere else!

What a bloody week; tears and tantrums, things getting thrown. None of them were mine by the way. Mine was sorrow; almost as if someone had died. Not mention the high jinks and euphoria some people were experiencing this week. One a better note, I haven’t been out or had any alcohol since Saturday night. I got really drunk in my favourite bar in Soho Rupert St on Friday night to the point that they even refused serve me. The manager who also happens to be an acquaintance led me back to my friends and quietly spoke to them. Whilst he was talking to them, I walked out in order to come in again using another entrance to go to the toilet. The bloody bouncers wouldn’t let me back in. So my friends put me in a taxi and sent me packing off home. Got home, fell into the cacti bush outside my front door and then got in. surprisingly not, I walk up with three thorns in my thigh. Made me wonder why I did not feel the pain whilst.

I woke up on Saturday feeling like a wounded Lion. Started to limp around the flat, refused to eat, and limped some more then went back to bed. Ingemar my friend came back from Sweden in the afternoon. Silas had arrived before him. At approximately 3.00pm, the mayhem started all over again. More wine till about 10.00pm when we all decided to go out. I have to say this is 4 of the best best nights I’ve had in London. We always end up at Fire. It’s a club that one could say is dirty in all aspects. Never go there wearing white shoes, they’re always black and muddy by the time you get home. Don’t ask me why this happens. Also, it’s not as if we’re dancing somewhere outside in a field. The same thing happens to your clothes. They played my favourite song of the moment - Beautiful liar (I like the original but prefer this re-mix by the Freemasons). Left the club at 12.00pm on Sunday on a high. Gosh I'm really hard core.