Pissed Off

I got so enraged writing my last entry I decided I'm kicking him out today. I'm not going to make him my problem. End of.

Wake up, Eat, Watch Porn, Masturbate then sleep.

By the way, you are on the wrong page if you’re expecting to read about my sexual antics.

I’m actually referring to a person’s daily routine. I live with the person and to be frank I’m beyond astounded. Is this what some people’s lives have been reduced to? Just because a person’s unemployed doesn’t mean they should sleep for 14 hours then only wake up to have a wank (masturbate for those who are not familiar with Brit terminology) and eat. Take yesterday for example, I was woken up by heavy breathing. I not being a heavy sleeper, woke up thinking there was something wrong with my friend. I got up and went to check on him. As I got closer to his room I saw him busy at it – pleasuring himself. I was so pissed off I just slammed his door shut. I’m a man myself and of course I do it too but I don’t wake people up in the middle of the night making noises of self satisfaction. My patience is starting to wane.

It feels like I always fall for sob stories in people. I’ll even go to the extent of falling for the story even when I know for sure the person is lying. From one of my previous posts I said that I’d allowed this guy to come live me so he could sort his life out. He seems to be doing everything but sort his life out. All that bullshit about changing the people he hangs out with hasn’t changed. There’s the drugs – lucky enough he knows stuff like that is not allowed in my flat. As soon as he gets his dole, he disappears off to meet his friends in Vauxhall for the usual – Crystal Meth .

He disappeared for a week two weeks ago; no one knew where he was not even his close friends. Only to discover after he’d came back that he had been on a one week bender. I’m concerned. I’m concerned that my offer to help is going to be thrown back in my face. He better not though – I’ll get violent on him like his last flatmates did.

He said something to me a couple of weeks ago and this raised even more concern. He’d earlier on told me that his mother had died two years ago – lies. He let slip that he hadn’t seen her in two years. How can someone go to the extent of lying about his mother’s death. Makes me wonder what else he’s lying about. The only thing I do believe about him is the fact that he has not seen his family in two year – I’m as baffled probably even more so as to why.

You must be thinking it’s time I threw him out. I’ve decided to give him two weeks if nothing changes – he’s a goner. I’m starting to feel like I need my space back – all two bedrooms; plus I’m about to start redecorating and I don’t need a trash bag ruining my beautiful atmosphere. I mean honestly! I was being kind.

I better stop, I’m starting to feel enraged.

Back at work and almost happy

Yes, I'm back at work and almost happy to be back. I was begining to get bored at home. I get restless if I spend too long in doors. I was pleased when my alarm went off this morning.

I got to work, turned my PC on. Open my emails and this is the first email I opened:

It's called the streaker and it certainly put a smile on my face on this miserable spring morning.

After the chilled weeked - Shame about the weather

There seemed to be so much hype about this weekend. Everyone was so excited about another bank holiday their weekeds started on Thursday. I was being sensible so I didn't. I decided I'd only go out on Friday which I did. Come Saturday I was too tired to do anything else I stayed in. Besides I got in early evening on Saturday after the night before. Yes I was out for nearly 36 hours. I've still got the stamina. No body else seemed to want to do much so we decided to stay in and order a take away. The rest of the weekend was chilled and involved lots of cleaning and DIY shops - I'm re-decorating my flat.

Sitting outside a café in Soho on Sunday, I suddenly got pissed off. I sort of forced my friends to go to another part of Soho where they weren’t so many loved up gay couples walking past. In case you are wondering, I am feeling a little lonely at the moment and perhaps a little jealous of these couples. They all look so smug and smiley when walking hand in hand saying what appears to be sweet nothings to each other. I hope I wasn’t like that a couple of months ago when I was seeing the pilot. Some of them seemed so determined to hold hands they wouldn’t let go of each other even when it started to rain. Oh romance is such a funny entity.

One the other hand, I shouldn’t be complaining. I’ve had my share of men-friends. I seem to be going to a mini drought at the moment. I’m by no means sexually starved of course. But I seem to have gotten bored of casual encounters. It’s not helped by the fact that most of my friends are single. We seem to spend too much time in each other’s company and that is every weekend. I keep wondering whether my attention to one group of friends is in turn is preventing me from noticing other people outside the circle that might be interested in me. As of last month, I started to adopt another strategy. The strategy has been to try and move in different circles. I’ve been meeting new people many of who seem to have lots of other interests other than get trashed every weekend. I’ve even been invited to Iceland in July – I’m yet to accept – I’m not sure of the motives of the guy that invited me. I’ll keep you updated on this one – we’ve been texting.

Oh just an update on the friend that’s living with me. He’s registered with a couple of agencies, I think one them rang this morning but he’s gone to register with the doctor and left his phone. I’m a little nervous about him being called for work. He doesn’t have a single pair of non-denim trousers, a formal shirt or black shoes. I can’t even lend him any of my clothes because he’s a shoe size 5 – I’m a ten. He wears size 28 trousers, I’m a 32. I guess my hands are tied this time. There’s only so much I can do to help him. I’m hopeful that he’ll start work in the next couple of weeks.

I must be mad!

I am either crazy, damn, really kind or downright stupid - could be a mixture of all the four. The jury is still out in this little head that I call mine.

People that read this blog might remember that I was planning to move house a while ago. Well, I did. I move slightly further out of town and live in a two bed roomed flat alone. A couple of months ago, whilst out on a shindig I met this nice boy. Not nice in the sense that I wanted him or anything like that; he was just a nice person. He was apparently drawn to me the from the moment he met - he didn’t tell me this, his friends did. We sort of rang out with the same bunch of people so each time I wasn’t out with them he’d ask where I was etc.

As we got to know each other, I decided to pry into his life. Oh what a big mistake! He told me everything about himself and his family. The alcoholic father, the death of his mother, his gay brother that hates him, his drugged up past, the physically abusive ex-boyfriend and finally being unemployed and homeless. Ooh, I forgot to mention the escorting. He told me this over the space of about 2 hours in a club with really loud music. You have no idea what was going through my mind. I had to stop him the end and told him that it neither the right time nor place to have conversations like that. He agreed, I left and to go and get my self a couple of tequilas. I really needed them after a convo like that.

I didn’t see him for a couple of months – purely because I decided to cut down on the intake of social juice. You can have too much of a good thing sometimes to the point of wearing yourself out. Which is what I felt was happening to me.

Last bank holiday me and a friend decided to go to Trade@Orange (Fire) -yes I still go there on the odd occasion. I bumped into this friend. He went off on one again. This time he was in tears, he desperately wanted somewhere to stay. He was sharing a small bedroom in Vauxhall with no window with another girl and they were paying around £140 a week for the rent. I said I’d see.

I went away and I thought about it. I rang him about two weeks later and told him he could move in temporarily until he sorted himself out. You must think I’m mad to do such a thing. After all, I know nothing about the boy apart from all the stuff he’s told me. It could all be lies and fairy tale sob stories so he can find somewhere free to crash. All those things went through my mind before I actually said he could come and stay. Nevertheless, I’m the sort of person who can’t bear to see people suffer. I just thought he was the sort of person that needed a break from what he told me. I suspect that he ended up with the wrong crowd, which is the reason he ended up where he is. I go out more than the average person but I’ve always worried about over doing it to the extent that I end up loosing my job or home.

He’s been living with me for 3 weeks. He hasn’t been out – well living that far out of town doesn’t really encourage anyone to go out. The one good thing is that he doesn’t drink (alcohol). It’s a good thing for me because I find that I don’t drink as much when I’m around him. The one thing he does that annoys me is how much food he eats – he eats an unbelievable quantity of food. However, the boy is really skinny which makes me wonder how he manages to do that.

I have to say, it’s been good so far. How long this is going to last, I have no idea. If he does fuck up, he knows he’ll end up on the street. I hope he bears that mind.

There’ll be more of this to come. I’m sure.

The wonderer is near his return

I've been on a massive adventure - I'm still deciding on whether it was good or bad. But there massive lessons to be learned (as stated like a true project manager that I am)

No doubt, I shall fill you all in when I'm more settled and rested.

I hope you're all well and immensely happy or least trying to be. It could be a lot worse.

Ciao for now.

Just like a tornado....

He came with as much force as a tornado; he’s disappeared in much the same way. I don’t really understand.

Me and the pilot are no longer as I said before albeit we’re still on good terms. We spent his birthday together a couple of weeks ago. After the pilot came the Psychiatrist; a really charming Scott with wonderful appendage (yes it was amazing!). I was starting to think that this was going to head to somewhere special. He’s kept me really occupied in the past 7 weeks it’s been amazing. Posting anything on here has not been on mind because my mind was centred on this one person. I was also afraid I might jinx things by talking about him – lesson learned. I must endeavour to be less superstitious in future.

It’s been 10 days now since I heard from him. I really don’t know what’s happening. Your guess is as good as mine. I’ve had no response from either texts or calls. I’m not distressed or anything like that. I’m little annoyed because I’m in limbo. I keep asking myself is he dead – definitely not because one of my friends so him catching the train to work at Waterloo. If I did something wrong I’d like to know about that too. If he has any issues I wish he’d bring them out in the open. He was even talking us going away for Christmas together. That’s down the pan. I’ve decided I’m either going to India, Spain or Cameroon for Christmas. I really curious about Cameroon – should be ok. I’ll be hanging out with American Diplomats who are really good friends of mine.

Anyway, I’ve decided to move on. I’ll keep you posted. I’m more than likely to bump into him sooner or later. Honestly I sometimes think men are more trouble than they’re worth. Crikey.