R.I.P George, spastic cat you're next.

George the snake died on Sunday. My friend Martin came round and was going round looking at the animals and found George slumped in the bowl of water. He’d drowned. Susan was quite upset about the whole event. I found her crying in the garden on Monday then on Tuesday she got up early went and bought herself a bottle of whisky and knocked it back. She’d passed out by the time I got home that evening. Funny thing was that she wanted to dry the snake and put it in a frame, so she took it into the garden but the birds came and took it. I’ve never laughed so much. She shouldn’t mind so much she still has Gertrude (the other snake), toads, salamanders, newts, fishes, crickets and of course the spastic cat. I call it spastic because it’s the most useless cat you’ll ever come across. It’s afraid of other animals including cats and birds. I mean what kind of cat gets attacked by a blackbird (see below)? Bear in mind these birds are only slightly bigger than chicks. Now Susan is thinking of getting chameleons. God bless the next person that’s going to live in that house.

I keep getting weird dreams. The strangest one so far was this young quite dishy Acholi guy wanting to marry me. We were in Hyde Park and this guy kept on following us. He managed to pluck up the courage and came and spoke to me. We hit it off and had a great afternoon. He asked for my number which I gave cordially. The strange thing was that when he was leaving he said he was going to marry me one day because he’d been speaking to my Aunt Joan about me and that the whole day had been arranged by her and her sisters. Yeah, exactly like that’s ever going to happen. Then the same night I dreamt that a dog had bitten one of my fingers. I must check for the meaning of this. I read about it once on dream dictionary. Then there was one where we were trying to escape floods on Hampstead Heath. Weird.

I’ve been speaking a lot to my mum lately. I know she means well. But she ordered me to move out of Susan’s flat. She’s a bit concerned by the animals and believes Susan is into Voodoo. She doesn’t understand how someone can have such animals in her house. Susan doesn’t help the situation either, she dries and puts the dead animals into frames and then onto the wall. But on the one hand Africans culturally do not keep animals like that. Most animals you find around people especially in Uganda have a purpose. I mean what purpose is a snake that’s as thin as a pencil and just over a foot long going to serve you? At least dogs and cats give affection; something you can’t get from a toad. Anyway back to my mum, she suggested that I go to church. She believes my soul needs cleansing because Susan might have did some juju to me. I told her Susan is agnostic – if she doesn’t believe in God then there’s no way she’ll believe in the devil. Susan has always been like that she just loves strange creatures for example she has two of these. They're called Axotols.

You people, my birthday’s coming up. What shall I do? I’m in no mood to do anything to be quite honest. Going to eat food at my mum’s would do the trick.