Thinking about the future

I turn 30 in August – FERK!!! Should I be happy I’m still alive or depressed because I’m getting older? Why are some people like me, I wouldn’t say afraid but wary about the future and getting old? I think it’s all this uncertainty. I’ve been looking for a new job for ages. The current prediction that there will be a recession in the near future puts a damper on my job hunt. I’m frightened that I’ll find a job and be made redundant soon after. To be quite honest I don’t even know what I want to do next. I suppose it’s good I’ve come to realise this earlier rather than later. Sometimes I wish I was like one of kids who knew what they wanted to do at the age 2 (ok, that’s rather an exaggeration but you know what I mean). Maybe I should pack my bags and go and live on an island somewhere in the pacific. The idea seems quite appealing i.e. a back to basics simple life living amongst the natives.

As I write this, I’m sat in an office near the Brighton seafront. It’s lovely and sunny although cold. I've got a really strong urge to run outside and meander around the city like a lost soul. Shame this won’t happening this evening, I have a train to catch back to London around 4.00pm. When it gets warmer I’ll organise a weekender for me and the others.

I just realised I haven’t spoken to my half-sister for ages. We used to get on like a house on fire. In fact Sundays we dedicated to being our days. We’d hang, go for lunch and then have a cocktail or two later. We stopped doing that when she got with her new man. She seems to have gone all serious and religious. He of course is a dedicated Christian (I imagine he’s one of those shoutie ones). She got more into religion when they met. I hope she’s happy.

God, it’s so sunny and nice on the south coast. The sun appears s brighter here than in London. Must be due to the fact that there are less buildings blocking out the sunlight.